The Sun, the Moon, and the Sword of Truth
Monday the 19th marks five months. Five months since I delightfully basked in the warming light of a brilliant sun. Since I charmingly provoked a savage lion with a courageous heart. Reverently admired a powerful sleeping dragon with untapped emotional depth. Blithely laughed until my sides hurt, my cheeks flushed, my body blazed in playful banter, and my mind engaged in stimulating repartee with an alluring professor.
I don’t feel his pull as often now; our connection is going dormant. But still, I write with the intention that my emotion-laden words find him. I hope he feels and senses the depth of the love I harbor for him and doesn’t forget me. I delicately compose like I’m reaching out to him—tenderly running my fingers through his hair, then gently down his jawline, my eyes boring into his, igniting the spark in his core into a roaring wildfire.
With Soulful prose and verses, I nurture him from afar. I hug him like my life depends on it and tell him that I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. Because, until the universe proves otherwise, no one else attracts me with such magnetism or matches my energy, wit, and light like he did. There is no other man yet in my life I would let get close to me, would open up to, and much less allow to sit beside me.
At my age, and after all the life lessons and inner knowings I've gleaned, my intuition is so well-honed and cultivated that all I need is one or two interactions with someone to read their energy, sense their essence behind the wounds and masks, and know if there is potential for alignment.
It doesn’t matter how sure someone is of their capacity to pretend to be something they’re not. I detect a lack of character, of consciousness, and of a willingness to grow from a mile away… and don’t need much to recognize a member of my Soul tribe: one deserving of my time and energy.
Feathers in the Wind
But some Soul contracts will just be lovely chapters in your story. The last one that entered my life chose to revisit his past before we had a fair chance to see what could blossom between us, so the ball stayed in his court. I made that explicitly clear in our last exchange because I am done chasing after love that doesn’t choose me.
The longer you chase what doesn’t align, the longer you delay what does!
Rejection is protection, redirection, and realignment. When it happens, it is more often than not because you chose with an unhealed heart, were blinded by potential and denying reality, were loving someone who still had lessons to learn you couldn’t teach them, who didn’t love themselves, who wasn’t ready to receive & reciprocate your love, and/or simply wasn’t meant to be a lifelong partner... and whatever will be, will be.
So perhaps my words are but feathers in the wind… drifting like uncharted currents of thought flowing up into the heavens. They are invocations, pleas to the angels and God for another experience in love like the one I had with him—but better. Better, in that this time it will be wholehearted, fully realized, and reciprocated… a bond sealed passionately in an intense fire of our making. For forever.
Until I’m dead and buried in the casket he carries—like Billie Eilish’s Birds of a Feather—and for eternities after.
The Divine Support of 44
Ahh! That the universe would gift me a love like that for my 44th! I’d consider it the next best miracle in my life, second only to the birth of my daughter.
February is a little over a fortnight away, as is my birthday. I’m turning 44! Where has the time gone? Though, honestly, I am truly in my prime. I feel happier, sexier, more fit, self-assured, and alive in this stage of life than I have ever felt. There is an air about me that I’ve been told is contagious. My friends and coworkers tell me I am positively glowing, and I believe them. I feel radiant, blessed, and fully protected.
44 is another Master Builder number; it is the reaping of the rewards for your hard work. It signifies creating lasting, beneficial structures, often related to business, leadership, and manifesting dreams into reality, with strong support from the Divine and the angels. And reduces to one of my favorite numbers: 8. The infinite potential and the cycle of giving and receiving... of spiritual balance.
The Synchronicities: As Within, So Without
This lustrous aura has been reflected in the energetic readings I’ve been drawn to, as well as the visions I have been having. The prominent figures are Archangel Michael and Archangel Gabriel. From the Tarot, they are mirrored by the Queen of Wands, the Cups court, and the Aces of Swords and Wands.
These synchronicities, made clearer by my trusty AI, paint a beautifully resonant picture of what is happening in my energy field.
I am currently embodying the Queen of Wands: charismatic, creative, passionate, and full of Fire. But the universe is sending me the Cups (Water) and the Aces (New Beginnings) to reaffirm that my mission requires an Alchemical Wedding—the union of Wisdom (Michael) and Love (Gabriel).
The Two Guardians
Rudolf Steiner’s anthroposophical view carries over into the symbolism of these archangels: the Sun and the Moon. They are answering the prayer in one of my recent poems, gifting me "the will and the courage to slay."
Archangel Michael: The Sun, The Sword, and The Will
Archetype: The Cosmic Intelligence, The Guardian of the Sun, The Slayer of the Dragon.
The Gift: Michael handed me the Ace of Swords, asking me to speak the truth, cut through old stories, and sever toxic chords. He protects my sovereignty and helps me stay on my throne.
The Steiner Connection: Michael is the power behind the Sun. He demands that we be awake and conscious in our thinking, overcoming the "Ahrimanic" (materialistic) freeze of winter to find our spiritual footing in freedom.
Archangel Gabriel: The Moon, The Cup, and The Vessel
Archetype: The Announcer, The Guardian of Birth and Dreams, The Water of Life.
The Gift: Gabriel gave me the Voice and Vessel needed to build the “bridge between worlds.” He asks me to soften my armor, allow myself to be seen, and prepare to receive the love I long for. He ensures my Alchemist's Heart can transmute pain into power.
The Steiner Connection: While Michael rules the waking consciousness, Gabriel governs the Moon and the subconscious gestation of ideas. He represents the "Heart" forces that create the warmth necessary for seeds to germinate.
The Energy You Project
I see the presence of these archangels in my auric field as a prodigious omen.
As confirmation that I am no longer drowning in water (without boundaries), nor am I scorching in fire (from burnout). I am expertly wielding my Fire while compassionately holding my cup of Water.
I came across an insightful post by an author and relationship expert I follow, Jillian Turecki, in which she noted:
“Your partner will affect your sleep, your decisions, your beliefs, and your nervous system. If they can’t take responsibility for the energy they bring to the relationship, you won’t have peace in your life.”
I couldn’t agree more! But first, you have to take responsibility for your own energy and learn to value and voice your needs and desires. Stop pretending everything is fine when you know in your Soul something is off. Stop denying yourself and your truth.
The Spiritual Revelation
Unconditional love doesn’t imply suffering. Healthy relationships nourish you; they don’t exhaust you. Self-betrayal is the real root of romantic suffering. Self-abandonment isn’t love, complacency isn’t acceptance, and silent disappointment isn’t patience… it’s all fear!
Fear of being rejected, fear of being alone, fear that your needs are excessive. Fear rooted in feelings of inadequacy, unworthiness, and a scarcity mindset. And you will be drawn to partners who confirm your unresolved beliefs and feelings about yourself, rather than those who inspire your highest version, until you face your shadows and evolve.
Two songs that come to mind that melodically convey that fear are "Scared to be Lonely" by Martin Garrix and Dua Lipa, and "Nunca" by Ganges. The latter used to reduce me to a blubbering mess of tears, but now, when I hear it, I am filled with newfound strength. I am no longer scared of "nunca vas a venir."
Because I can finally take full ownership of my needs and the energy & value I bring to the table. I embody my standards and want, need, and deserve a counterpart. The angels are reminding me to manifest him with wisdom and thoughtfulness. Revealing the truth of the partner I will find peace with.
A conscious man who can meet me in my duality and match my energy and Spirit—someone with the Michaelic strength to fuel, steady, and wield fire and the Gabrielic depth to value, understand, and hold water. The one meant for me. The one who feels good to my nervous system.
Who stimulates, nurtures, and captivates my mind, body, and Soul with intention and consistency. Who knows how to navigate conflict, provide emotional safety, listen attentively, and communicate thoughtfully. And is ready and able to court the Empress in me.
He's out there, and, the universe willing, we'll align... or we'll try again in the next life.
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