Business to Attend To: Turning 44 in a World on Fire

Birthday Sovereignty: The Master Builder’s Pilot Program

As the countdown to my 44th birthday continues—that powerful "Master Builder" milestone I wrote about in my last entry—I find myself standing in a landscape that looks brighter than it did eight months ago. Back then, an unexpected injury led to divided affections and the cooling and inevitable unraveling of a unique and very promising bond.

2025 was, for me, a year of unrivaled joy, heartbreak, grief, self-reflection, necessary shedding, internal alchemy, and Soul integration. But the Fire Horse is coming around the corner, and that blazing energy demands a proclamation.

On Friday, January 23, Mars enters Aquarius, bringing change and igniting action. For my sun sign (Aquarius), this marks a time for “selfhood with a backbone, community with clear agreements, and momentum that belongs to the future rather than the past.”

I hear a call that is figuratively, and now literally, asking me to “give it a seven-day pilot and see who shows up.” I don’t feel quite ready yet, but in a month or so, come the end of February, I will check in with myself and decide whether to reactivate and update my PenPal profile.

To some, this might seem like a simple step. To me, it means trusting I am better equipped to handle whatever may come. It is a declaration of sovereignty and an opening of the doors to a higher timeline.

The Professor: A Win in Manifestation

Looking back on this past cycle—particularly the connection with the gallant professor who heavily influenced my 2025 experience and creative writing—I am able to proclaim it a successful manifestation.

For a long time, I wondered if the "Emperor Standard" I silently yearned for was even possible for me. I used to be the quiet, introverted, emotionally repressed nerdy schoolgirl, perpetually drawn to unrequited love. Then, I was the insecure university student who ended up in the limelight with no prior experience and fell prey to a wolf in sheep's clothing. 

I escaped, only to drown in a tumultuous ocean of avoidant-anxious love. But I was reborn as a phoenix. I broke the surface, stretched my wings, and by the grace of God called in an Emperor. The professor is my ideal intellectual and energetic match, a Soulful mirror, and a catalyst full of fire who helped me refine my own. He built the throne and made me feel like an Empress. He raised the bar and set the standard.

The fact that he was unwilling or unable to sit on the throne next to me in this current timeline doesn't make the manifestation a "fail." It makes it a valuable calibration of my energy. He showed me that all that I am and desire can be embodied by one man, and that I deserve nothing less. I treasure the blueprint he provided.

I get sudden surges still, but our connection becomes harder for me to distinguish—like a muscle weakening from lack of use. I am not giving up hope or renouncing the possibility of his return, but I am also not going to sit idly in the foyer.

The Empress Has Business to Attend To

Yes, there is safety in waiting, but there is also the danger of letting life pass me by, especially when there is a collective sense of impending doom.

I try to steer clear of the news for the sake of my mental health and peace of mind, but it's clear this world is quickly going to hell in a handbasket. There is no knowing what it will look like in a few years, and this Empress has business to attend to.

I have love to give, light to share, and new skills I need to put into practice. Now is not the time to withdraw, to shrink into myself, or to dim my light. It's time for Divine Union, for community, for Sacred Fire, and for fighting the good fight. 

It is high time we all stop "living within a lie" and start advocating for "living in truth" in every aspect of our lives. This is the excerpt from "The Power of the Powerless" by Václav Havel that Mark Carney quoted in his remarkably blunt speech at the World Economic Forum's Annual Meeting 2026 in Davos... a wake-up call I found inspirational and a sentiment that resonates with the messages I have been channeling. 

As within, so without. We have co-created a world devoid of light, love, morals, freedom, and true sovereignty because, as individuals, we have lost sight of what truly matters. We focused on survival and doing what was expected of us. We ignored the voice of our intuition and higher consciousness in favor of institutional logics. We focused our efforts on the material and fleeting rather than the spiritual and infinite.

It is time to step up and into our truth. It is time to embody what the Universe is asking us to become during this upheaval... this turning point for humanity. For those of us born with Divine gifts—natural leadership, charisma, empathy, compassion, and an infinite capacity for unconditional love—it is time to heed the call.

The world doesn't need more sheep, more "yes men," or more cogs in the wheel for power-hungry, greedy despoilers and tyrants. It demands rebels, free-thinkers, and freedom fighters! It needs hearts rich with character, integrity, fire, and courage. It needs protagonists, lightworkers, guides, and leaders who seek to be better in order to do better for the greater good.

That starts with showing up for ourselves so we can evolve. It's time to call in our Soultribe... to surround ourselves with those who bring out our highest version, who help us rise above, and who share our desire to become the change we want to see in the world we leave to our children.

The "Test Drive": Healing in Motion

This is why I cannot hide in the foyer. There is a specific kind of healing that happens in introspective solitude—the intellectual integration, the shadow work, the realizations, and the spiritual revelations. But there is a more rigorous healing that can only happen in "test drives."

You can study the mechanics of a car for years, but you don't truly know how to drive until you can confidently take the wheel on a rainy night along a dirt road.

I want to go off-roading. I want to move toward romantic experiences not out of a need for "completion," but out of a desire to practice what I have spent months preaching. I want to fully integrate the lessons of 2025 and become a better, more secure, and stable version of myself.

But true healing requires reprogramming our patterns in real time. It’s being triggered, but navigating conflict with grace. It’s choosing a different script when the old one feels stifling. It’s voicing a need before it becomes resentment. These are skills that require a conscious and willing partner to exercise.

Matching the New Frequency

In 2026, I am ready for the Universe to harmonize me at my new frequency.

I am calling in a King of Wands to match my Queen of Wands energy. A conscious Emperor who is awake, on fire, and in the driver’s seat with intention… ready for an epic road trip.

A man with the Michaelic clarity to choose a path wisely and the skill, patience, and steadiness to help me drive it. A partner who shares my warrior's Spirit: willing to slay dragons, inspire positive change, and lead by example. Someone who will stand valiantly by my side and shine brightly together when the shit hits the fan.

I am turning 44 with a mended heart, a Soul that is whole, a Spirit that is ablaze, and a nervous system that finally knows the difference between craving & suffering the fear and anxiety of the "thrill of the chase" and basking & delighting in the peace and emotional stability of a "warming hearth."

Here is to exploring the uncharted roads, facing the coming challenges with heart aglow, and the unwavering belief that if the Universe asked me to relinquish and let go of "great," it was only to invite and make room for “better” to show up.

Tags: Alchemy Divine Empress Energy Fire Healing Love Personal Growth Spirit

Share: