A Gift to Bring You: Embracing Self-Love and Reflection
This excerpt from Rumi´s poem: A Gift to Bring You, is the mood I am in. It is the current stage of my life journey. Recognizing that I am loved. Realizing that the best way I can love is to unconditionally love myself and encourage others to do the same. To hold up a mirror, inspire them to look at their reflection, and fully embrace the essence of their heart and soul.
“You have no idea how hard I’ve looked for a gift to bring you.
Nothing seemed right.
What’s the point of bringing gold to the gold mine, or water to the ocean.
Everything I came up with, was like taking spices to the Orient.
It’s no good giving my heart and my soul because you already have these.
So, I’ve brought you a mirror.”
– Rumi
The Cyclical Nature of Life: Lessons from Shakira and Arjona
My YouTube algorithm and feed was wanting for me to go nostalgic and reflective this weekend, and it accomplished just that.
I was fed Shakira´s newest song “Última” and, as though that weren't enough, it was followed by Ricardo Arjona´s “Todo Termina”.
Both songs embody the concept of learning to experience life with unrelenting Spirit, with the self-awareness of an eternal student, the sage acceptance of "what is", and letting go of "what will never be again". Reframing wounds and scars as lessons and opening doors to new experiences.
So many things have happened in the past months that a blog post doesn't seem like enough. My father has come back into my life several years after my mom divorced him and after not having any contact with him. I have taken in my greatest aggressor, the primordial source of all of my childhood wounding and trauma and consequential hardships and failed relationships. I have extended grace, assistance, forgiveness, and mercy, and welcomed him into my home.
I have also met a man unlike any other I've ever encountered. We are so alike and yet so different—opposites in many respects but complementary. He is a compassionate, intelligent, emotionally vulnerable, and handsome man who prioritizes personal growth and shares my values. He is an admirable father, a passionate professor, a methodical and focused athlete, and an overall gentleman.
Is he perfect? No, but unlike other men who have come before him, he is self-aware, open to feedback, mindful of my needs and emotions, and willing to put in the effort. He embodies what I have actively envisioned and wholeheartedly desired to manifest. Especially after the many important lessons left behind by my failed romantic relationships.
But instead of filling this post with details of what has been, I want to focus on what I have accepted, what I have learned, what I have let go of, and the new opportunities emerging.
I have accepted that everything comes back around. As much as we try to run from our problems, to avoid them, to steer clear of them… When something we are meant to learn is put off, it will keep resurfacing in different forms/faces/situations until we heed the lesson.
I have accepted that life really is cyclical and always changing. As Ricardo Arjona's song reinforces, everything ends. Nothing lasts forever. All of life is waves of good and bad, of sadness and happiness, of lack and abundance, of fear and courage, of loss and gain, of heartbreak and love.
I have accepted that I am far from healed and that I still have raw wounds and room for improvement. I still have an unhealthy need to control every aspect of my life to ward off uncertainty, an unhealthy attachment to the pain and trauma from my past, anxiety, and a deep-seated fear of rejection.
I have learned that I really do create my reality. My thoughts have power, my words carry weight, my emotions are valid, my needs are important, and I matter. I've learned that everything that is too much, too off-putting, or too intense about who I am for someone has nothing to do with me and everything to do with their perception of themselves and their unhealed wounds and programming.
For the right person, I am just right. For the right person, nothing about me is scary; no aspect is intimidating, and no quality is too intense. For the right person, all my imperfections complement their imperfections, all of my light brightens up their existence, and my value is acknowledged and embraced. There is a mutual, balanced exchange of energy, with an undercurrent of unconditional love.
I am learning that healthy love is not a zero-sum model in which we are meant to value someone else’s need fulfillment as a multiplier of our own: surrendering our own needs as a kind of sacrificial offering.
Both songs embody the concept of learning to experience life with unrelenting Spirit, with the self-awareness of an eternal student, the sage acceptance of "what is", and letting go of "what will never be again". Reframing wounds and scars as lessons and opening doors to new experiences.
So many things have happened in the past months that a blog post doesn't seem like enough. My father has come back into my life several years after my mom divorced him and after not having any contact with him. I have taken in my greatest aggressor, the primordial source of all of my childhood wounding and trauma and consequential hardships and failed relationships. I have extended grace, assistance, forgiveness, and mercy, and welcomed him into my home.
I have also met a man unlike any other I've ever encountered. We are so alike and yet so different—opposites in many respects but complementary. He is a compassionate, intelligent, emotionally vulnerable, and handsome man who prioritizes personal growth and shares my values. He is an admirable father, a passionate professor, a methodical and focused athlete, and an overall gentleman.
Is he perfect? No, but unlike other men who have come before him, he is self-aware, open to feedback, mindful of my needs and emotions, and willing to put in the effort. He embodies what I have actively envisioned and wholeheartedly desired to manifest. Especially after the many important lessons left behind by my failed romantic relationships.
Wounds into Wisdom: Reframing Pain for Personal Growth
But instead of filling this post with details of what has been, I want to focus on what I have accepted, what I have learned, what I have let go of, and the new opportunities emerging.
I have accepted that everything comes back around. As much as we try to run from our problems, to avoid them, to steer clear of them… When something we are meant to learn is put off, it will keep resurfacing in different forms/faces/situations until we heed the lesson.
I have accepted that life really is cyclical and always changing. As Ricardo Arjona's song reinforces, everything ends. Nothing lasts forever. All of life is waves of good and bad, of sadness and happiness, of lack and abundance, of fear and courage, of loss and gain, of heartbreak and love.
I have accepted that I am far from healed and that I still have raw wounds and room for improvement. I still have an unhealthy need to control every aspect of my life to ward off uncertainty, an unhealthy attachment to the pain and trauma from my past, anxiety, and a deep-seated fear of rejection.
The Power of Perception: Creating Your Reality
I have learned that I really do create my reality. My thoughts have power, my words carry weight, my emotions are valid, my needs are important, and I matter. I've learned that everything that is too much, too off-putting, or too intense about who I am for someone has nothing to do with me and everything to do with their perception of themselves and their unhealed wounds and programming.
Unconditional Love: A Win-Win Relationship
For the right person, I am just right. For the right person, nothing about me is scary; no aspect is intimidating, and no quality is too intense. For the right person, all my imperfections complement their imperfections, all of my light brightens up their existence, and my value is acknowledged and embraced. There is a mutual, balanced exchange of energy, with an undercurrent of unconditional love.
I am learning that healthy love is not a zero-sum model in which we are meant to value someone else’s need fulfillment as a multiplier of our own: surrendering our own needs as a kind of sacrificial offering.
Love is a win-win relationship in which both enhance each other's lives. An open-ended friendship built on trust, respect, admiration, and genuine appreciation for one another.
I am learning to face conflict and address and deal with it in a conscientious, open-hearted, empathetic manner. I am strengthening my assertive communication skills, setting healthy boundaries, and embracing a slow and steady pace. I am adrift in surrender, allowing life to unfold before me in divine timing and orchestration.
I have let go of the pain I didn't realize I was still carrying and had allowed it to become my identity. I have let go of the “what ifs,” the “I should haves,” and the “why didn’t I”... and have replaced them with “it was what it was,” “I did all I could,” and “it wasn’t meant for me.” I am learning to let go of my security blankets and welcome uncertainty and change.
I have confirmed that life is easier to navigate and more enjoyable when we stop focusing on “what” happens to us and “why it happens to us,” and instead reflect on “what is the lesson” and being grateful for all of our experiences because beyond every thorn there is a rose: wisdom meant “for our greater good.”
Happiness is found and manifested when we finally decide to detach from a victim mindset and harness our unrelenting Spirit as victors. Uncompromising, courageous, unyielding, faith-full, resilient, empowered, and open-hearted people who don’t sacrifice and chase but choose to shine bright and attract.
Navigating Conflict with an Open Heart
I am learning to face conflict and address and deal with it in a conscientious, open-hearted, empathetic manner. I am strengthening my assertive communication skills, setting healthy boundaries, and embracing a slow and steady pace. I am adrift in surrender, allowing life to unfold before me in divine timing and orchestration.
Letting Go and Welcoming Change: Embracing Uncertainty
I have let go of the pain I didn't realize I was still carrying and had allowed it to become my identity. I have let go of the “what ifs,” the “I should haves,” and the “why didn’t I”... and have replaced them with “it was what it was,” “I did all I could,” and “it wasn’t meant for me.” I am learning to let go of my security blankets and welcome uncertainty and change.
I have confirmed that life is easier to navigate and more enjoyable when we stop focusing on “what” happens to us and “why it happens to us,” and instead reflect on “what is the lesson” and being grateful for all of our experiences because beyond every thorn there is a rose: wisdom meant “for our greater good.”
From Victim to Victor: Harnessing Your Unrelenting Spirit
Happiness is found and manifested when we finally decide to detach from a victim mindset and harness our unrelenting Spirit as victors. Uncompromising, courageous, unyielding, faith-full, resilient, empowered, and open-hearted people who don’t sacrifice and chase but choose to shine bright and attract.
“Not servants nor those served; not altars and immolations; but the final, the fulfilled, innocent of pain. Don’t help me or serve me, but let me see it once because I need it. Don’t work for my happiness, my brothers--show me yours--show me that it is possible--show me your achievement--and the knowledge will give me courage for mine.”
― Ayn Rand, The Fountainhead
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