No Taxation Without Representation
“No taxation without representation!”
This was the rallying cry that united the colonies against British rule, highlighting the tyrannical oppression that led to the American Revolution.
It has also become Hannah’s favorite quote. She is learning all about the Revolution in school and has been citing it often in response to the terrible traffic we are subjected to every morning... sometimes reaching an extreme of two and a half hours for the barely eight kilometers that separate us from her school.
She has become more conscious of the many challenges we face living in a third-world country. She gets all fired up when vocalizing her discontent with the inefficiencies of our Ministry of Communications and even urges me to write to the government to voice our concerns.
I never tire of watching my baby grow into a Spirited Warrior like her mama. A few years back, she would have kept her head down. She would have powered through the discomfort in silent, submissive compliance. Because that is how I lived my life, and that was the example I was setting for her.
But not anymore!
The Shift: From Retraction to Radiant Reserve
I have become more conscious of all the ways I still stifle myself... the ways I dim my light to avoid explaining myself, to pass under the radar, and to limit confrontation. I am determined to improve, for my greater good and for Hannah’s.
As I integrate my shadows, my energy becomes more radiant and magnetic. I attract more attention now. But instead of reacting by retracting, I lean into it. I stand taller. I smile wider. I shine brighter.
But I do so with an air of reserve—a sense of detachment that I hope clearly communicates: if you want more than I freely give, greater access will require increased effort.
I only open up and invest in balanced relationships... and those entail reciprocation, mutual respect, and shared responsibility.
The "Nice Girl Tax": The Cost of Being a Lighthouse
I have also become a more visible presence for Hannita. Last year, we stood up to her bully. This year, we took an even firmer step in the right direction. We refused the “nice girl tax.”
As Hannita has blossomed, her teachers have taken notice of her light and its positive impact on others. But this has led to a concerning pattern: she is frequently placed in groups specifically to balance students with behavioral issues.
While I appreciate that they see her as a good influence, I became disturbed that her emotional well-being was being sacrificed to help teachers "manage" her peers. A child’s education should not be leveraged as a disciplinary tool. That is a tax she should not be forced to pay.
The Incident
A recent incident highlighted why this is so dangerous. Hannita was purposefully removed from a group in which she felt comfortable by her teacher and moved to a group with two boys who have significant behavioral reputations. For their team name, the boys chose “Cocosclan.”
In her innocence, Hannita did not recognize the malicious phonetic reference to the KKK. When the teacher questioned the name choice, she defended the name as being about "coconuts" when the boys were unable to explain themselves... because that was how she had innocently interpreted it.
When she learned the likely intent later, she was mortified. She felt used. She realized her kindness had been weaponized to explain away a hateful reference.
This is exactly what I need to protect her from: people who see our light, our agreeableness, our weak boundaries, and our tendency to over-function and decide to take advantage of it.
Intense light casts big shadow traits that I am learning to transform into greater assertiveness… and I must exemplify that for her.
The Intervention
Everything happens for a reason. I saw this as an opportunity to once again show Hannah the importance of advocacy.
I reached out to the middle school coordinator. I requested more equitable seating and grouping assignments. I asked for the protection of her learning experience. I insisted that she should not be used as a buffer for students who are not ready or able to match her level of respect and integrity.
Hannita was opposed to my sending the email. She was embarrassed. She didn’t want to "make her beloved teachers mad." She tried to explain away their behavior—all sentiments I am far too familiar with—but know are limiting scripts we need to rewrite.
I reminded her of her beloved phrase: “No taxation without representation.” That meant she deserved a voice. She deserved fair treatment. We weren't asking for special treatment or privileges; we were asking for equity.
The Ripple Effect
The result? Better than I could have hoped for. After a meeting with the coordinator, adjustments were made. Communication was shared with all her teachers. And even her close friends—who are also lanterns in the storm—ended up benefiting from it after Hannita took it upon herself to advocate for them as well.
This experience reinforced a valuable lesson: our light is meant to be cherished and is not something we need to hide to avoid being exploited.
We can shine bright as long as we take care to set firmer boundaries. We must limit access. We must protect ourselves with assertive, empowered action.
And when we speak up, our words carry weight. They have a ripple effect that makes a difference... not just for us, but for all those we choose to shine our light on.
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