The Art of Living
It was also perfect timing, as are most of my personal and spiritual urgings and growth experiences. I have felt a calling inside my Soul for months now. An inner urge to reclaim my personal and spiritual power, to accept and embrace All of Me; to be less apologetic about who I am, and to live freely... more uninhibited, unrestrained, and unbounded. Into a full authentic embodiment of all of the parts of me that have been scattered and at war with one another for so long because of my internal and prevalent feelings of fear, shame, and guilt around all of who I am.
Dismantling Internalized Shame
I have been told throughout my life that I am too much, overwhelming, exasperating, and intimidating, and by many people (in love, in work, and in my personal life). I internalized the feelings of fear, jealousy, competitiveness, anger, inadequacy, incompetence, unworthiness, and lack that I triggered in them, accepting and believing their personal and distorted perceptions of who I am. Fearing to show my full self, and feeling guilty and ashamed about my unique traits of charm, influence, competence, prowess, and the divine gifts from Source that allow me to project a bright shining light.
I am not too much, most people have just forgotten how to be more... how to harness light through spirituality, how to love more, how to learn and grow, how to be resilient, how to take action and change course, how to live more fully... choosing instead to settle for complacency, stagnancy, and accept a lackluster existence. That is what the Art of Livin´ was all about and he shared some helpful prompts and recommendations. I wish to share them here for anyone drawn to this post that finds themselves stuck, or at a crossroads in their lives... desiring more out of life, but not knowing how to get unstuck. People who, like Mathew said, want to do amazing things, but never take the first step toward their aspirations.
Steps Towards a More Active Role in Life
The courage to start taking a more active role in creating the life we desire starts with a little self-reflection, accountability, not being afraid to ask the right questions, being vulnerable and honest in our answers, and having the courage to change. If we can name it, we can claim it.. and if we can claim it, we can declare and speak it into reality.
1. Admit "Where you are at": ask yourself why you want to grow? if you feel stuck? in what areas of your life do you crave positive change? what do you want out of life? what is your life missing? Take stock of your current reality. Admit what is working and what is not. Take responsibility for the changes you want to see happen.
2. Dissolve illusion and seize reality: this is a call to not set unrealistic expectations... yes, reaching for the stars is great, but not at the expense of missing out on the wonders to be found in your life now with a little more effort. It is important to recognize what illusions you have been clinging to that keep you from being more present and active in your current reality. Act on and seize what is right in front of you.
2. Dissolve illusion and seize reality: this is a call to not set unrealistic expectations... yes, reaching for the stars is great, but not at the expense of missing out on the wonders to be found in your life now with a little more effort. It is important to recognize what illusions you have been clinging to that keep you from being more present and active in your current reality. Act on and seize what is right in front of you.
3. Disable your false sense of identity: hanging out with people who enable you and your current beliefs only keeps you small. The best definition of humility is admitting there is still much to learn. It´s more helpful to surround yourself with people who challenge your beliefs and inspire you to grow... to become your best version. Being open to other perspectives, questioning your paradigms, discovering which values and beliefs are non-negotiables, and incorporating better ones to replace those that don´t hold up to scrutiny. Openness is what will enable you to find your true sense of identity.
4. Get out of complacency: a state of mind where people get too comfortable and don´t want to step out of their comfort zone into unknown territory. Keeping them in defined roles, refusing to grow, improve or change. Disengaged, lacking initiative, playing it safe, losing their passion. This stems from an inherent and very human fear of failure... preferring the role of victim to the consequences of life instead of embodying the role of the hero. Brave uncertainty to break free of these chains, but to battle complacency, you must believe you deserve and can do better. Challenge the status quo and become an eager and willing explorer of the unknown.
5. To become the hero in your life, recognize your strengths, and know that they will also be your weaknesses. Like Mathew shared, resilience is a great strength… but can enable unhealthy patterns. Investing a lot of time into healing, but not enough time into asking the right questions… like why do I keep falling into the same cycles? By acknowledging the weakness in his strength, he discovered the importance of cultivating more wisdom and discernment. Taking inventory is important for implementing positive changes.
6. White lies: we all tell white lies, to ourselves and to others… but it is imperative to not allow these white lies to become big enough that, instead of actually creating a better life, we end up living in one giant lie. What are the white lies you tell yourself and others? Why do you tell these lies? What are the underlying truths... unmet needs or unsatisfied desires behind those lies? Discover the underlying truths behind your white lies.
7. Impostor syndrome: confidence is fickle. We are all humans and not perfect high-performing machines. Not living up to unrealistic expectations can lead to a perpetual feeling of lack. Feeling unworthy leads to feelings of guilt and/or shame... to feeling that we don’t deserve what we haven’t earned. This impostor syndrome fuels the fear that keeps us in stagnation, afraid to act for fear of failure. The antidote is greater acceptance of yourself, and your limitations... with love and compassion to forgive ourselves when we do fail, which fuels our courage to try again.
8. Face the Boogeyman: here Mathew refers to the darkness, the fears, and the flaws in us all. Our capacity to admit that we are not perfect, to turn our nightmares into dreams. Embrace your darkness and flaws. Face and confront your fears because there you´ll find your passions. Ignoring darkness allows it to grow. Fears are the rites of passage to your true life’s purpose.
9. Practice Gratitude: acknowledge all that you are thankful for. Dissect your successes more than your failures. Ask yourself if you are seeking and moving toward a more meaningful future or running from your past? Don´t wallow in your failures and get stuck at the red lights of your past. Cultivate more respect, grace, and gratitude for yourself. When we are thankful for something, it takes on more meaning for us... we care for it more… feed it more... nurture it more... and so it grows and reoccurs more often. Focus on becoming great at what you are good at, instead of trying so hard to be good at what you’re bad at.
10. Cultivate Trust… recognize the signs, listen to the messages, trust your intuition, and chase after your dreams. "Trust and faith in your fellow man have no equal. If you have experienced trust you will know its strength." Low-trust societies are full of anxiety and cynicism. Stop leading with distrust, because a lack of trust in others is a lack of trust in yourself and your intuition. Yes, we open ourselves to potential hurt the more we trust, but we also allow more joy, love, and faith into our lives... the potential gains outweigh the risks.
These 10 steps are a wonderful place to start. Reflect and discover what needs changing and commit to living more of your best life, and being more of your best self. You deserve more than what you have been settling for. You are capable of so much more than you give yourself credit for. Find your purpose, rediscover your passions, and create a life you love living. But you can only do what you do when you are clear about what you don’t do.
These 10 steps are a wonderful place to start. Reflect and discover what needs changing and commit to living more of your best life, and being more of your best self. You deserve more than what you have been settling for. You are capable of so much more than you give yourself credit for. Find your purpose, rediscover your passions, and create a life you love living. But you can only do what you do when you are clear about what you don’t do.
Reprogram Yourself: Change Destructive Patterns
Admit what is not working and find the courage to change. Put in the work, have those hard conversations, and don´t be afraid of setting boundaries. They will set you free… and in that freedom, you will start to embody your best self and experience so much more than you can imagine.
Roadblocks and red lights are where we discover the green lights in our lives. Getting on the path to more requires doing less of what you don´t love… letting go of what no longer serves your greater good. It necessitates changing destructive patterns. For this, Marie Forleo, one of the speakers at the event, shared a science-backed method for changing destructive thoughts, beliefs, and patterns that deeply resonated with me.
Neuroplasticity is our brain´s ability to rewire our nervous system in response to learning and experience, impacting our feelings, and behaviors, and shaping our reality. Neurons that fire together, wire together. Your mind is like a computer and will believe whatever program is often reinforced by your thoughts and internal beliefs. What you tell it most is what it will create.
We can change our reality, and our life, by intentionally replacing self-limiting thoughts and beliefs with new mantras. If you find you often get overwhelmed, you can rewire this belief with a simple phrase: “I don’t do overwhelm.” Marie explained it was proven that the word "don´t" is more effective at reprogramming our mind than using the word "no" or the self-defeating "can´t" because the word "don´t" is experienced by our mind and body as an empowered choice.
Empowered Mantras
Stop saying "yes" or settling for things, places, people, jobs, and situations that don´t make you happy… because if it is not a full-body "yes!", then it should be a hard "no" or an "I don´t".
If I don´t want to keep getting stuck in love with emotionally unavailable men, I need to rewire my inherent belief that I am only attracted to emotionally unavailable men.
"I don´t love emotionally unavailable men", "I don´t accept being an option, on rotation", "I don´t do situationships". If it is not a wholehearted yes from you... then I don´t want it. If you don´t accept all of me... then you don´t want me.
I will not dim my light to be loved.
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