In the blink of an eye my sister got pregnant and is about to have her very first child, she came to visit me with her husband, my princess turned 2, and now she´s off to preschool. So many changes in such a short amount of time! I am emotionally wiped out!
My sister is the middle child, but she will be the last of us three siblings to have her first baby. She´s having a sweet little baby boy and his name will be Sebastian. She came to visit me about a month ago accompanied by her husband and it was his first time ever in Central America. We had a blast visiting the many beautiful tourist sites Guatemala has to offer. It´s still funny to hear how overwhelmingly concerned people are whenever traveling to Central America, but understandable seeing as how all any news outlet ever shows of our tiny little countries are the horrors that occur here. However, I have a different take as a full time resident. It´s dangerous yes, but I´ve become accustomed to being more paranoid. I take all necessary precautions when out and about, try to steer clear of all of the sketchy areas, and with God´s watchful eye have managed to stay clear of trouble, for the most part. I just love Guate so much and I know how jaw-droppingly beautiful our landscapes are and how culturally rich our country is and truly wish others could share in that positive knowledge instead of freaking out about what diseases they might catch or whether or not they´ll be kidnapped while here! Which is why I love this Guatemalan Facebook Fanpage, I really recommend it because it is an insight into all of the wonderful things our country has to offer instead of all of the bad ;) .
Anyway, besides fearing for his overall safety, my sister´s husband had a good time. I am glad I was able to share some time with them and see my sister´s belly grow (I swear she grew more than 2 inches in diameter while here). She brought with her all of the blessings Hannah could desire, thanks in large part to my parents and even brought her birthday presents: a cute water play park and a LeapReader Jr. from +LeapFrog (OMG, How much do I love this thing! It´s amazing! Technology is awesome! I absolutely recommend getting one for your toddler, Hannah went "cuckoo for cocoa puffs" over it because, not only does it read and sing to her, but can you believe it´s a doggy?!). One of our outings was to the beach and on the way back we stopped off at my BF´s vacation house to say hi because I knew they´d be there since that weekend coincided with a three day weekend due to a local holiday. I had told my BF we´d be stopping by to celebrate Hannah´s birthday with them. It was important for me to celebrate with them because they truly are my Guatemalan family, they have adopted me as if I were a blood relative and have been my rock while living here, a million miles away from my very own family (okay, maybe not a million miles, but it sure does feel like that sometimes).
Well, what was my surprise when we arrived? They had set up a piñata and presents and everything for my little girl! It was my baby´s first ever birthday party and I didn´t have to plan a thing nor do anything other than make a cake ;) I just don´t see the point in spending so much time, energy and money on birthday parties for babies, so I never would have done it on my own. I will probably splurge for her 5th birthday when I know she´ll enjoy it more and actually understand the party is for her and maybe even remember it into her adulthood. But we had a lovely time and Hannah loved her piñata, even if she was apprehensive about hitting Strawberry Shortcake with a stick. Really, if you think about it, it is kind of unnerving that a piñata involves beating a character you love to get candy from it :( YikeS! Sounds like the makings of a bully! But piñatas are a tradition here and part of the culture and Guatemalans are known for their kindness and generosity, for the most part, so I really don´t think there will be any permanent scarring from piñatas ;) I made a Thai Tea Cake that I just LOVE and I will treasure the memory even if Hannah doesn´t remember it but for the photographs. My favorite part was seeing her get all excited about picking up the candy and putting it in her little favor bag. She got so into it that when they started giving her her presents, the ones that were packed in bags were acknowledged by her to be favor bags and she would take candy from her bag and put it into the gift bag being offered to her. Basically she was interpreting the present giving as requests for candy hahahaha, I found that so endearing and even more tear inducing that she so willingly and enthusiastically shared the candy she´d worked hard to collect and place in her bag. That is one thing I will forever keep nurturing, the value of giving to others. It´s a value I learned while living in the US and one I treasure and want to instill in my darling baby girl, especially since it´s something that has come, at least until now, so naturally to her.
Her turning two was a turning point of sorts for me as well. I was completely opposed to the idea of sending her off to school so young, which is actually something that is encouraged here. Guatemalan mothers put their babies in preschool from the tender age of 1. Even stay at home mothers follow this custom. I don´t remember if that was commonplace back in the US, but I can´t say I was thrilled by the idea of my baby going off to be under the care of strangers if I was able to look after her. But alas, I have to work! I am working on my web page for the bags I am making so my sister and I can start selling them online and in the US as well, but meanwhile we need a second income. That means that I either leave Hannah with our "muchacha", where she will more than likely be sat in front of a TV or given the iPad for the entire time I am at work, or I send her off to at least be physically, intellectually, and emotionally catered to by teachers who know best. There are no "daycares" as I knew them back in the US. The only "daycares" that are available are far from where I live and did not really encourage me to leave my baby with them all day at all. Then I decided to take to Facebook and ask all of the people I knew in Guate who had children for thoughts and recommendations. One ex-coworker was kind enough to help me out a huge deal by telling me all about her search and evaluation of 10 preschools that were in our zone (close to where I live) and then sharing with me her top picks, including the school her little boy attended. I went to the school she chose for their open house and fell in love!
Not only is this preschool super close by, but the classes are all brightly painted with murals in different themes, they are absolutely clean and 100% baby-proofed, the changing areas (Hannah and I reached a road block on our potty training journey, but I have since decided to wait a few more months until she is truly ready) are so organized, hygienic and tidy. It´s an OCD person´s dream come true, but not stuffy or unwelcoming at all! The nannies (yes, there are nannies assigned to each class besides the teachers) are all so kind and warm and the teachers are all so friendly. They have a productive but not excessive syllabus, they apply the Montessori method of teaching, the play area is huge and so inviting. Suffice to say I was convinced, and even the price was right (not the most expensive, but also not the cheapest) although I wouldn´t have been able to afford it. I would have had to choose between the "muchacha" (Spanish for housekeeper/maid) and the preschool and I couldn´t afford to let the "muchacha" go because, for as much as I was also initially opposed to having help, I have come to rely on the extra set of hands especially for contingencies when I need to leave Hannah with somebody. What if something happened while I was at work? The preschool is only half a day long, so what about the rest of the day? Who would look after Hannah? All of the questions of a first time mother, who needs to work, who doesn´t have her mother close by to come rescue her and can´t afford to pay for preschool and daycare for her baby. This is where my sister came to my rescue, she offered to pay for Hannah´s preschool and I just couldn´t let that offer pass me by, especially not now that I needed an answer that would be better for Hannah than sitting at home watching TV all day while being "looked after" by the housekeeper. I´d much rather she be productive and stimulated for at least half of the day while I am off at work.
So today was my dreaded first day of preschool. She will be wearing a uniform to school, YES, a uniform! Remember I am the product of the American public school system so there were no uniforms for me, at least not that I can remember. But here in Guatemala the public school system is an abandoned institution used mainly for stealing tax payer´s money by our corrupt politicians, so its customary that all kids attend private schools where uniforms are required, and that includes preschools. I had two choices, size 2 or size 4 and my baby girl measured 90 centimeters at her 2 year pediatrician appointment. Fun fact: I didn´t know this, but the rule of thumb for adult height is taking your baby´s height the month he/she turns 2 and then multiplying that by 2 (with a margin or error of 5 centimeters). That means Hannah will probably measure 180 centimeters, or 5´9 feet, so she will be taller than I am! YEY! I always wished I were taller, at least my baby will get to enjoy the perks of being above average height ;) Remember, we live in a country were I am considered "tall" standing at 5´7. So anyway, she is a tall little girl so I went with size 4. Today when I put it on her, it´s a bit big, but not baggy and she just looked so gosh darned cute! Too bad she refused to take a good photograph today (and this is the girl who just hears a flash go off and starts smiling a posing up a storm!). She also needed materials I had to buy (what does a baby need at school besides toys, crayons, etc.?!) She has TWO textbooks! Both of which I had to cover with plastic contact paper, another Guatemalan custom I had to master.
I don´t know about everyone else, but I covered my books with brown paper bags or paper book covers that were, for the most part, already pre-folded or at least pre-marked to facilitate the book covering process. It was a simple task that I don´t remember being hard to accomplish or even taking up too much time for that matter. Plastic contact paper on the other hand! First of all, I didn´t even know what plastic contact paper was because I have never had to use it and secondly... BOY, let me tell you! I swear, if it weren´t for an ex-teacher friend of mine that dropped by on Monday to help, I would have probably ended up crying in a huge pile of plastic contact paper stuck to itself. Let´s just say this was the hardest thing I have encountered in a while, and remember I am now SEWING BAGS! The worst part is that my friend was telling me that it is something you have to do each year and each year my baby will be assigned more and more books and then there will be notebooks and I will have to cover them all! OH DEAR! She told me how she remembers sometimes dedicating an entire day or weekend just to covering her notebooks and textbooks. WHat´s up with that?! Why have pre-folded paper book covers not been implemented here? I might just have to look into that. Anyway, this activity also made me miss my BF, who as fate would have it is once again off with her boyfriend in a whole other country a million miles away... and this time it really is close to a million or at least several thousand anyway. She is another recoverer of OCD and I know Hannah´s books would have ended up with far fewer wrinkles and air bubbles if she had been here to help me. But I am really grateful for the friend that lent her help and time and for the fact that I didn´t have to attempt this horrible, time-consuming task all on my own.
Now for the big question: did I cry? Yes and No. Let me explain... on Monday, there was a parent teacher meeting to give us new parents an introduction to preschool life and to explain all of the activities they would be carrying out, guidelines, etc. While I sat listening to the introductory talk, I had visions of leaving Hannah for the very first time, in her whole life, in the care of a group of strangers. She is always with me, and by always I do mean ALWAYS. I take her to the supermarket, to the bank, on all errands. I go to the bathroom with her, I shower with her, I eat, sleep and breathe with her by my side 24 hrs a day/ 7 days a week. She has become my best friend, my confidant, and is now the most important person in my life. Just recalling how I can´t even bare to spend a few hours away from her led me to almost have a panic attack while sitting surrounded by all of the other mothers and teachers. My temperature rose, my heart started to accelerate, I started to sweat, I felt claustrophobic and tears welled up in my eyes like I was about to lose it like I did while watching Hachi (if you have never seen that movie, it´s amazing, but take my word for it that you´ll want to watch it in the privacy of you own home where no one will see you ball your eyes out like you are watching your very own mother die in front of you). So yeah, totally about to panic! It took all of the strength I have to get myself together and keep from turning into a blubbering mess, crying in the fetal position right there on the preschool floor (and then I wonder why Hannah is such a drama queen :P).
After surviving the hour I was at the school, listening to the teachers, picking up her materials, choosing her uniform, etc. I made my way back home where I had left Hannah with the housekeeper because I knew I might cry and didn´t want her to associate mommy crying with her new preschool. My husband knows me all too well and decided to come home early to see how I had fared. Hannah was asleep by then so I proceeded to tell him everything the teachers had told me at the meeting and as soon as I was finishing up, I felt the surge of panic rise again. This time I let it all out! I started balling my eyes out; snot dripping, chest heaving wails of a mommy who is grieving for the loss of her baby but is also thankful to be able to provide her with opportunities that will help her grow as well-rounded as possible. I wept on my husband´s shoulder, standing in the middle of my baby´s nursery squeezing Hannah´s uniform as though it were her in my arms, until the heaving slowed, the tears started dying down and I became conscious of the love and grief he was also expressing while comforting and soothing me. I remembered then that it wasn´t just me who was dealing with this mix of emotions and was immediately grateful to have a husband who is there for me, during the good but also during the ugly. I was still a bit worried I might collapse again today, but my husband was going to take her to school with me so I knew he´d have my back.
Today we woke up and started what is to be our daily routine from now on. My husband got ready while Hannah and I woke up and had some breastfeeding/cuddles mommy and me time on the bed. I changed her diaper and we got dressed and went to brush our teeth and faces while singing our "This is the way we brush our teeth/wash our face" song. I prefer to shower at night and so we were good to go this morning. We made our way down to the kitchen, made breakfast, ate and then I proceeded to attempt to start a tradition like those I´ve seen on Pinterest for kid´s first day´s of school. Let´s just say it didn´t go as planned, but we tried and got some memories, even if they aren´t as perfect as I´d hoped, but then again, nothing is ever as perfect as we hope, isn´t it? Anyway, my husband took some photos with us, ate his breakfast and gathered both lunch boxes (his and Hannah´s that I´d prepared last night) and told her how now she had one just like daddy... then off we went, together, to face the changes that will continue to inevitably come our way. There is strength in unity and sure enough having my husband there with me helped me fight back the tiny tear that was trying to make it´s way down my cheek, lest that tiny tear open the flood gates, as we entered the school and I saw the teachers and nannies all standing there with smiles on their faces, ready to greet the parents and receive the kids.
We walked with her to her new classroom, stayed no more than 10 minutes talking with the teacher and handing over her preschool kit (covered books, a toy and book from home, diapers, ointment, blanket, change of clothes, place mat and her lunch box). She sat down with the only other girl there at the time (we arrived early) and was over the moon thrilled as she started playing with Lego's the teacher took out for them to share. We said good-bye, I didn´t cry, I smiled big and said mommy will be back before you know it, my husband did the same and we left. We heard her cries for us as we walked the hallway back to the entrance but knew not to turn back (I read numerous articles and blog posts about the best way to help toddlers transition into preschool) and I said a tiny prayer entrusting her to God. I know our life is going to be filled with moments like this one, our first time letting her go, entrusting her to God and hoping for the best... and yet, as I write this I feel the tears welling up in my eyes again, but I discovered I am stronger than I give myself credit for and now I know that so is Hannah.
When I picked her up at 12, she had tears in her eyes because she´d been crying for her mommy and her "mimi" (I knew the morning nap she´d miss would be a tough hurdle for her), but the teacher let me know she had had a blast and had behaved and participated up until 10:45 a.m. (her morning nap time) when she became distressed for her "mimi" but that she had been a trouper and fought back her tears as much as possible, which is why they hadn´t called me in. The smile on her face when she saw me and how happy she was to show me the hand print she had done let me know she´d be all right! Today my baby grew stronger and so did I... together we´ll navigate our way through all of the new, wonderful and yet scary changes coming our way... one school day at a time ;) !
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