I was already a fan of Dr. Emoto, especially his work on the physical effects of different songs and frequencies on frozen water. If you haven´t heard of this, it´s totally worth taking a few minutes to check out his website. This latest experiment on the effects of words on rice in jars filled with water struck a chord with me now that I am a parent. Power of Positivity´s article framed it in the context of parenting and I too found the experiment to be a direct analogy for different types of parenting. Basically the rice that was thanked (love/kindness) "fermented and gave a pleasant smell", the rice that was insulted (hate/aggression) "turned black", but the worst impact was on the rice that was ignored which eventually "began to rot". The correlation between these results and the effects of different parenting styles on children is so strong that I am sure I could get away with claiming this experiment to be scientific proof that Positive Discipline is better for your child. Contrary to what people (i.e. mother-in-laws, your own mother, other mothers, etc.) would have you believe that too much attention will spoil your child rotten, this study proves that aggression and/or complete disregard is more likely to do so than love and attention in a structured environment... Score for Positive Discipline!
Coming across the article proved even more useful in helping me digest an event that happened last week. As usual, my BF and I were chatting during our weekly coffee outing when Hannah had her very first encounter with a bonafied "mean girl". She looked to be about 3-4 years old and was wearing a tiara, toy pearls and tutu. She had a full head of beautiful blond curly hair and pretty blue eyes, but the very first thing this little girl did with those pretty eyes of hers was to glare at my baby! I kid you not! She flat out gave Hannah a mean stare down and flicked her hair in disdain. My jaw just about dropped to the floor and as I turned to see if my BF had caught a glimpse of this unbelievable display from such a tiny person, we locked eyes and she immediately mouthed "oh no! she´s a mean girl". I was so taken a back I didn´t even know what to do. Hannah´s coffee shop encounters are always so positive, this was our first time dealing with a pre-Madonna bully. I glanced around the coffee shop to see who this "mean girl" belonged to and identified a table full of family members who were all completely oblivious to what was going on and, worse yet, continued to disregard her for the better part of the hour and a half we were there. Only her grandfather showed any interest in her whereabouts from time to time. Well, sufficed to say all conversation between my BF and I stopped as we both eyed the girls´ interaction like mama bears at attention, ready to pounce if provoked.
My little baby was of course clueless, she just loves meeting other kids so much that all she wanted to do was find a way to get this girl to play with her. She pulled out her toys (we hid her iPad so she wouldn´t be tempted to share it with this little bully), she followed her all around the coffee shop and kept shouting "Nena!" (Spanish for little girl) after her. Meanwhile, this toddler-in-a-tiara strutted around "ignoring" Hannah and when she finally dained to acknowledge her, it was to check out her toy collection to see it there was anything she liked. She came across my antibacterial gel and proceeded to apply and re-apply it with entitlement (while staring at me as if she knew it was mine and not Hannah´s) until I put it out of sight during one of her "I am ignoring you" laps. I silently observed my baby eagerly chase after her in circles and finally had to intervene by issuing a stern reminder for Hannah that "we don't stray far from mommy". Upon hearing me say this to Hannah, what did the tiny entitled princess do? She walked over to a rope that serves as a divider between the coffee shop and the adjacent restaurant (full of tables with sharp knives on them within reach of my baby girl) and lifted it trying to get Hannah to follow her. As I saw the ill intentioned look on this little diva´s face, I had a flash forward to 13 years later. This same girl or another "mean girl" just like her trying to lure my daughter into drinking, drugs, or Goodness knows what else. At the thought of this my heart filled with apprehension for what is another inevitable scenario. The fear was quickly replaced with sadness for the lonely girl behind the "mean girl" bravado as I saw her life of lack of attention, love, and boundaries play out.
I can only hope to spend the next formative years lovingly guiding and tending to my daughter, filling her jar with positive constructive energy so that, when that day finally comes, her kindness, empathy, self-respect, resolve, discernment and unwavering moral compass allow her to look beyond the indecent proposal to the sadness and loneliness behind the malicious intent and recognize it to be a "misery loves company" request she will know to turn down or walk away from. No, better yet, I pray she grows up to be the beacon of light that one day guides this "mean girl" out of the darkness. Life lesson: don't ignore the ones you care about, express your love, be empathic to their needs and feelings, set limits and always try your best to be a positive presence in the lives of the people around you.
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