As excited as I am about the new skills making their way into my baby´s everyday life, there are also new fears to confront and deal with. One in particular that I am struggling to help her cope with is stranger anxiety. After a new round of googleducation, I have come to terms with the fact that it is a normal developmental phase. While I may know it is normal, using those words while trying to explain my baby´s reaction to the person bearing the brunt of her amazing-lung-capacity protests is rather ineffective at making that person feel better. I guess it´s hard to not take it personally when my baby cries with some and is all smiles and happy squeals and playful (but surprisingly painful) hair tugs with others.
My constant need to please syndrome makes it impossible to squelch the strong desire to try to make the person understand that it is normal and that my baby doesn´t hate them, but it always inevitably turns into a very awkward and uncomfortable situation for everyone involved. Case in point, our current house guest is my mother-in-law, the gentlest person I know. She truly is the living embodiment of the saying "wouldn´t hurt a fly". Our first trip out to visit her, I spent the entire drive there telling Hannah how we were going to go see her grandmother and asking her to be good and kind to her. That visit went off without a glitch, but then again she was only 6 months old at the time and not in full-blown stranger anxiety mode. This time, we brought my mother-in-law to our house to spend a few weeks here so she could get a hefty dose of baby-loving and R&R. I spent the few days before her arrival letting Hannah know we were going to be receiving her daddy´s mother and telling her that she was the kindest woman and asking her to be on her best behaviour. Well let´s just say it proved as effective as using a banana to loosen a screw.
I went to go pick up her grandmother at the bus station last Thursday while she took her mid-day nap and we waited until she was fully awake and I was sure she had her fill of "mimi and milky" (sleep and breastmilk) before introducing her to her grandmother for the second time in her life. Our excitement quickly turned to awkward apologetic disbelief as my baby took one look at her grandmom´s kind face and put on the biggest scowl I have ever seen before exploding into wails that went on and off for a marathonic 3 days in a row. Every single time she would catch a glimpse of her grandmommy, unavoidable huge tears would well up in her expression-full eyes and promptly run down her chubby little cheeks, followed by screaming wails of fear and discontent. Thankfully, as the days progressed the fear slowly began to be displaced by her overwhelming curiosity and she spent more time searching for her new house guest and observing her every move than crying, until finally on day three she allowed herself to be carried and cuddled by her eager but truly patient grandmother. My husband felt the most helpless because he really wanted Hannah to instantly take to his mother again and couldn´t understand why this time was any different than the first. I couldn´t either except for the rational explanation of stranger anxiety, but knowing why doesn´t make it any easier to accept, especially when you know the object of all of your child´s anxiety is such a sweet and sensitive soul.
The best part of this stranger anxiety is all of the fabulous added bonuses like:
1. Fear of loud noises: The blender makes her scream in horror.
2. Fear of inanimate objects that emit sounds: She has two toys, a cat my mom sent her and a doggy my BF gave her for her 1st birthday. Both move and sing and say things like "come play with me" and "te quiero mucho!" (the cat speaks English and the dog speaks Spanish). Well, a picture says a thousand words and her facial expression in the photo below just about sums up how much she loves these two toys at the moment. My mother says my nephew was the same way until about age 2 when the speaking animated toys he feared the most became his favorite.
3. Fear of sudden movements: It´s the funniest thing to see Hannah nearly jump out of her skin and then burst out laughing when she is taken by surprise. At least she reacts to surprises with a chuckle.
I recently took her to her pediatrician and this was also the first time she started crying upon sight of him, but before the wails and tears we were privy to a bout of nervous, rather than the usually excited flamenco hands and a silent not-breathing-and-turning-blue scowl. Her pediatrician noted that I had on my hands a true drama queen and explained that some babies are easier to tears than others and that mine was a natural. I had to agree, I know she is a drama queen, she´s my little diva. I am trying my best to encourage more bravery in her and am really proud when I see how strong-willed, persevering and persistent she is because those are qualities that are hard to teach, so I am glad (even though I know sometimes I won´t be) she was born with them in plenty. The true challenge will be teaching her that she won´t always be in control, a lesson I still struggle with to this day. Yet another reminder that she is her mother´s daughter after all.
Home Strong-Willed Make it go away!
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