This is part II of a two-part blog entry sharing my two cents on an article by Cara Paiuk my BF sent me about the top things people don´t tell you when having a baby, you can find part I here.
15. You will learn that the symptoms of sleep deprivation closely resemble severe mental illness. Me: Heads-up... sleep deprivation can induce bouts of narcolepsy so always breastfeed your baby on a cushioned surface, preferably a bed ´cause you just might fall asleep on top of baby immediately after a snot dripping distraught bout of sleepy hysteria.
16. Being asleep by 10 and awake at 6 on a Saturday night has never seemed so glamorous. Me: Again I champion breastfeeding on demand and co-sleeping... we are in bed by 8 at the latest and we wake up at 8 every day, including weekends so even if my husband and I keep watching TV until midnight, we still get in a good 7-8 hours of sleep each night (but on a Saturday it still sucks to be up by 8 even if you did sleep enough because you can never have too much sleep on a weekend). Of course, don´t be fooled into expecting this to happen during those early months... it takes establishing a good routine for your baby after you´ve survived the first couple of months filled with growth-spurts that have you breastfeeding non-stop for what seems like never-ending sleepless H*E*LL.
17. Your newfound interest in poop will frighten you. When, how much, color, consistency -- you may talk about poop more than anything else. Me: P.S. there´s an app for that hahahaha. No, but really there is and a good one at that, one that I have used for going on 20 months called Baby Connect and, SERiOUSly, if you don´t buy any other app, this one is the one I would definitely recommend. For slightly OCD moms like me, this app is great for keeping track of your baby´s sleep patterns, diaper changes (including type of bowel movement/color, consistency, size), feedings, pumping (if you pump), medical visits (including vaccinations and fabulous growth charts for weight/length and head size), snacks, milestones... if you can name it, you can keep track of it on this wonderfully complete app.
18. You will realize that you never knew this kind of deep love until now. Me: Deep, soul changing, mind boggling, gut-wrenching, heart exploding, overwhelming kind of LOVE.
19. Your breasts are no longer your partner's (or yours). Me: So sad and yet soo true. Even my husband likes to remind me of this one... *sigh*
20. You'll find yourself making up ridiculous songs with running commentary on your every move. Me: "Mama has to pee, yes mama has to pee" (to the tune from "The Farmer in the Dell") are among my truly inspired songs hahahaha, but I do love to sing to her our very own short little song "Mama loves Hannah" all of the time and can´t keep the tears from welling up in my eyes when I see her react with a huge grin and big gorgeous baby eyes full of love whenever I do.
21. You will have the highest highs and the lowest lows, possibly all within microseconds of each other. Me: Yes, crazy highs and depressing lows, especially when you make mistakes you never thought you would, something that, believe you me, will happen more often than you hoped for; but those crazy highs always have a way of making it all alright :)
22. Although you may have appreciated oldies before, you will now catch yourself humming or singing nursery rhymes and ditties from the baby's toys. Me: ... and if you are like me, way too many songs from Baby TV and Nick Jr. Even when you don´t want to, even when you try hard to suppress the songs, they always find a way of bubbling up and spilling out of your mouth when you least expect it... Damn me and my incredible susceptibility to any kind of music.
23. No matter how much baby-proofing you do, your baby will find the one thing you didn't baby-proof. Me: ... or if you are a small little darling named Hannah, you will find your way around the baby-proofing and, yes, sometimes even undo the baby proofing it took mommy 30-40 minutes to assemble in under 5 minutes! Unbelievable skills this child has! Don´t ever 100% trust all of those baby-proofing gadgets... they are only deterrents and will usually only deter your persevering skillful toddler for a VERY short while.
24. No matter how good your intentions are, keeping up with your baby book is nearly impossible. Me: baby books?! Oh Riiight! I forgot I had those :)
25. No one can truly prepare you for what will happen to your body. Hemorrhoids. Stretch Marks. Muffin Top. Me: OMG, the muffin top!! I know I could get it down with some intense crunches... but really, I would rather spend the 30 minutes a day that would take with Hannah, and in my "free" time sleeping and relaxing is all I really want to do. I can deal with a muffin top ;) that´s what Spanx are for.
26. You are so worried about what your child eats, how much, when, etc. you can forget to eat yourself. Or there is just no time to eat. You may find yourself standing in front of the fridge holding your baby and stuffing string cheese into your mouth. Me: oh no mam, I never forget to eat (please refer to previous answer) but I am such a skillful speed-eater that I don´t often come across this problem and when I do (like when Hannah needs to sleep RIGHT NOW-not 5 minutes from now) I just eat right after I´ve put her down. Mmm... string cheese sounds really good right about now ;)
27. Taking care of your baby will swallow up all your time. You may go days without showering. Me: Sadly, yes this one is true as well... but really, there is only one person close enough to me to truly suffer... sorry my darling husband!
28. It's hard to talk about anything other than baby. If you somehow manage to go on a date with your partner and make a concerted effort to avoid the subject, you will probably be rewarded with some awkward silences. Me: Did I mention some more of Hannah's awesome quirks? Oh wait, this blog entry isn´t about that... :) ... Yes! But in my defense, my husband likes to talk about Hannah all of the time as well, and if you reading this blog it´s probably because you have your own baby and us mommies love to talk and read about babies so I guess the one who suffers in this equation is my BF... sorry my darling BF!
29. You become insanely paranoid. Every toy, blanket, crib, etc. is a potential threat to your baby's well-being. Me: Every toy, blanket, crib?! Forget that! I live in Guatemala... baby kidnapping (be it me, my baby or me AND my baby... GOD FORBID!) is my biggest threat so yeah, I am ALWAYS keenly aware of everything in our surroundings!
30. You find that "parenting" joins religion, politics and sex as topics unfit for polite conversation (but poop is allowed!). Me: Hahahaha, so funny and so true, why do humans have to be so competitive about everything. "I am always right, so if you don´t look, think or act like me, you are, by all logic, wrong." Babywise/Attachment parenting, Breastfeeding/Formula, Weaning/Baby led weaning, Sleep training/Co-sleeping, Discipline/Permissiveness, Sugar/No Sugar, Disposable/Cloth Diapers, Packaged Baby food/Organic home-made, and the list of potential conflicts with another mommy just goes on and on.
31. You think airport security sucked before? Me: can you say NIGHTMARE? I believe mommies need special airport security privileges and if you don´t, this blog entry just might change your mind.
Airport
attachment parenting
baby proofing
breastfeeding
Co-sleeping
Love
OCD
sleep-deprived
Songs
Toddler
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