Tragedy no. 1 happened during the first nightmarish weeks of non-stop breastfeeding. Don`t let anyone mislead you, breastfeeding is undoubtedly the best for baby, but in my experience it was the hardest adjustment. I know I am not the first, nor will I be the last sleep-deprived mommy and other mommies out there will surely have a similar story. Mine happened about week no.2 of what seemed like continuous breastfeeding and sleepless nights. This one particular moment happened in the wee hours of the morning when sleep deprivation had begun to erode my nerves.
That night Hannah got her very first, and thankfully only, colic. My husband was more supportive than I could have ever imagined during those intense first weeks, but even he could not calm both Hannah`s and my distraught and helpless crying. It was a one of those snot-dripping-can`t breathe-don´t know what I am really crying about- type of cries. I remember laughing in between those much needed heaving sobs all the while cradling Hannah while I tried to nurse her calm... and she did grow calmer and so did I and the next thing I know an overwhelming need for sleep overcame my body and I fell asleep with her in my arms falling forward onto Hannah! Thankfully, I was sitting in the middle of our ginormous bed and immediately snapped out of my narcoleptic moment before crushing my baby, but boy if that wasn´t an oops moment!
Tragedy no. 2 happened the first time I cut her tiny little wafer thin newborn baby nails. I managed to survive Hannah`s first sponge bath having the only noteworthy thing happen be temporary hearing loss for my best friend and myself from the insanely high pitched, full lung capacity ShRills emitted by my then darling 8 pound newborn Hannah. I survived her meconium filled diaper changes with nary a mishap. I mastered the skill of clothing a tiny fragile body and after several weeks, I had even gotten breastfeeding and burping down. The one thing I had not dared attempt during Hannah`s first month was the infamous cutting of the nails.
I have always had shaky hands and thought "shaky hands + nail clipper + tiny baby fingers = DISASTER", but I was on a first time mommy achievements high and thought "ladies and gentlemen, yes I CAN do this". So I mustered up the courage, got out the baby nail clippers and gently said to Hannah "mama is going to cut your nails so please try not to move too much okay" (yes, I was making this request of a 1 month old). I laid her down on my lap and put her ever so small right hand in my left hand and began the task at hand. One finger down, nothing uff thank God... two fingers, nothing yes I´m doing it... third finger, OH NO DISASTER! My baby let out a high pitched squeal and began to cry and I knew I had cut her little baby finger.
Sure enough, I had nicked the edge of her finger and it was bleeding. "OMG, I made my baby BLEED, I inflicted pain on my innocent Hannah, how was she going to trust me again, so much for super mama, what was I going to tell my husband!"... and I too began to cry while I placed a towel on the tiny bleeding finger and apologized to my darling Hannah for the pain she was experiencing. I laid Hannah on the bed and rushed to find something to prevent infection and a bandaid. I HAD NO BANDAIDS!! I HAD NO OINTMENT!! I was now definitely the worst mom ever. Meanwhile Hannah was still wailing from the pain and shock I presume of her first ever ouch experience. After what seemed like an eternity, I found some gauze and a liquid first aid antiseptic, I opened the antiseptic but before using it wanted to make sure it was safe for baby.
I quickly grabbed my phone and got on google to make sure I could apply antiseptic on a baby and, upon finding nothing useful, decided against using it but not before I managed to spill it ALL OVER my walnut entertainment center. Yes, that`s right, it wasn´t enough I was responsible for my child´s first bleed, but to top it off I had knocked over that stupid bottle of bright neon orange/red liquid and had to clean it up, all the while Hannah was crying in the background and I was crying from despair and then also concern over the state of my hardwood unit. That ugly moment is one of several moments during my going on 13 years of life in Guatemala in which I desperately wished I could find comfort in my own mommy, far away in Houston, but had to settle for texting with her via Whatsapp. All I can say about that is my husband´s favorite saying "asi pasa cuando sucede" which is just another way of saying "such is life".
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