Focused Fire, Graduation & Transmutation
The Englishman “vanished” in a snowstorm. The digital Pen-Pal bridge was burned. And my heart is still raw and tender from the Professor's fleeting but catalyzing reemergence.
For a moment there, my life spiraled into unexpected and overwhelming emotional chaos. But after the reaction comes clarity and sitting in the quiet aftermath, I realize exactly what it all was: the masterfully orchestrated final defense before graduation.
It was a trial of my spiritual lessons, my faith in the Divine, my unrelenting Spirit, and my unwavering resilience. It was a moment in time meant to violently shake the last stubborn bits of doubt and fear from my system. It was the universe ushering me into my Sophia State—reviving my hope, fueling my fire, and reminding me that the Divine timeline is flawless.
The partner meant for me will be delivered in due time because the impossible becomes inevitable the moment you fully embody your truth. My counterpart exists, and he is likely undergoing his own necessary, painful polishing in the dark to bring out his splendor.
But I am no longer actively calling out to him.
My fire will now be fiercely focused on myself, my brilliant daughter, and my emerging professional empire. I scratched the lingering itch, I shook off the dust, and I allowed myself to be shaped and polished by the abrasive friction of real human connection.
Now, it is my time to shine. It is time to step back and wait for the man full of fire and water who will show up when I least expect it. The one who will have the profound courage and awareness to look me in the eye with vulnerable honesty and say:
“You are enchanting and special. I have never met anyone like you and I am drawn to you in a way I can’t explain. I want to show up for you. I am not perfect. I am deeply afraid of getting hurt. I don’t know if I have what it takes to make things work with us, or even if I’m worthy of a higher love… but I am ready and willing to try, to let you into my heart, and meet you halfway. Because you brighten my everyday, and I can’t imagine a life without you by my side.”
That is honesty. That is emotional truth. That is humility, acceptance, and conscious, willing effort. And only in that Sacred Space will I feel safe. Only then will I know my energy and light won't go to waste, because when someone consciously invites me in, they will inevitably be transmuted—as will I.
My favorite quote from Carl Jung: "The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed."
True, unconditional love is exactly this: intense Spiritual Alchemy, compassionate friendship, passionate companionship, and a wholly uplifting Sacred Union. Jung called the love I am waiting for Ancient Love—a bond so rare that most people never experience it.
Not because it doesn’t exist, but because it requires two fully individuated beings to arrive at the exact same place, at the exact same time, with mutual readiness.
The Anatomy of Ancient Love
To understand why I am stepping back, you have to understand the profound mechanics of Ancient Love and the Sophia Empath:
The Solitude of Individuation: Fully individuated people often remain single for years, or even decades. We have done the grueling shadow work to integrate our masculine and feminine energies. We do not date to fill a void; we date to share an overflowing cup. Until we find a cup that can receive and reciprocate our water, we prefer our own company and internal peace.
Conscious Love vs. Unconscious Bonding: Most conventional relationships are trauma bonds disguised as love—two unhealed inner children clinging to each other for survival, projecting their parental wounds onto their partner. Ancient love is conscious. It is the deliberate, daily choice to love someone for exactly who they are, not for the wounds they soothe in you.
The Point of No Return: Once a woman reaches the Sophia Stage, she simply cannot return to conventional relationship dynamics. The streetlamps of ordinary, superficial romance will never satisfy a woman who has become a Lighthouse. The statistical reality is that finding a partner developed enough to match a Lighthouse is rare. But a Lighthouse never lowers its beam.
Sovereign Autonomy vs. Codependency: We are not looking for our "other half." We are already whole. Ancient love is the union of two sovereign, complete universes choosing to orbit one another in harmony, ready and able to propagate the infinite. The sun and the moon.
The Destruction of Lowering Standards: If I were to lower my standards to accommodate any man's unhealed avoidance, it would effectively destroy my own labored spiritual development. I would have to shrink my Soul to fit into his survival mechanism.
Conscious Shadow Work in Partnership: In Ancient Love, when triggers arise (and they will because healing and growth never end), neither partner runs or hides. They sit together in the dark. They hold hands and can say, "Here is my wound; it is bleeding, but I am not blaming you for the cut." They hold space for each other's shadows without absorbing them... without feeling responsible for the other's emotional state or well-being.
The Quietness of Ancient Love: Ancient love does not feel like the chaotic, adrenaline-fueled "butterflies" of an anxious-avoidant trap. It feels quiet, soothing, and light. It feels like a regulated nervous system. A warm embrace and a safe harbor.
Putting Down the Digital Pen: My Empire Awaits
As this breaking, rebirthing, accelerated, and radically healing stage of my life comes to an end, I want to thank everyone who has walked alongside me, read these words, and shared in this journey. I have safely made my way through the Mayan jungle; I have propagated the infinite and awakened Sophia. This blog has served its profound purpose in my life and evolution.
I am ready to take all of my hard-won gains and focus my Fire entirely on building the empire and the bridge that will usher my daughter and me into a beautifully reimagined life—and, if God wills it, a new country. A place filled with new opportunities, greater safety, access, and infinite possibilities for us both.
Because, like Confucius supposedly said: “We have two lives, and the second begins the moment we realize we only have one.” I believe in reincarnation, but I want to make the most of this one!
I may return to this blog to voice my discontent with the deplorable present state of the world, to sound another call to arms, or to share positive parenting inspiration. But in terms of love? I am finally entirely and completely in love with myself.
And that is more than enough for now 😊💗
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