The Universal Law of Mirroring
Our image in a plane mirror, all things being equal, will be an accurate reflection of our likeness. But mirroring isn´t limited to seeing our physical attributes reflected back to us. There is a universal law of mirroring. What we see in others is a reflection of what we see in ourselves and any feelings that we have towards other people originate from our own hearts.
"We see the world not as it is, but as we are." – Anaïs Nin
This law states that if we are emotionally charged when thinking about someone else's behavior, then they are mirroring back to us that we have the very same behavior. The law of mirroring is what can make relationships so challenging, especially in relationships where the connection and attraction to the other person are strongest... like in the case of soulmates and twin flames.
We learn about love in relationships with others. Unconditional love requires acknowledging, accepting, and loving every aspect of ourselves, alone and in relation to others. A mirror will show us our light, our admirable qualities; the conscious ego we build and project. But it will also reflect our shadows, our less acceptable attributes; the subconscious or unconscious aspects that we deny about ourselves.
When we encounter a mirror soul, be it in friendships, romantic relationships, or familial relationships... inevitably we will see in them reflections that trigger us. We are meant to be triggered, getting triggered is an opportunity for growth. A reflection in line with our ego is always welcome, but few of us will be willing to accept an honest reflection of our shadow selves.
My Autistic Superpowers
I am gifted and eccentric, exhibit many traits associated with ADHD, and believe myself to be on the autism spectrum. In autism, masking, which is also called compensating, is a social survival strategy. It generally involves intentionally learning neurotypical behaviors and mimicking them in social situations. If you would like more information to better understand masking, this is a good article.
The Gifts and Challenges of 'Reading' People
I am especially good at picking up on subtle patterns in people´s behavior. This makes me great at "reading people". Reading people is the ability to size others up quickly and accurately, picking up on shifts in their energy and tells which allows me to see through misdirection, lies, deceit, etc., and pick up on or identify their inherent needs, wants, interests, motives... the true essence beneath their ego.
This skill is not only useful for reading people, but it also facilitates mirroring people... both consciously and subconsciously. I will subconsciously pick up accents, vocabulary, mannerisms, interests, and even personality traits from the people I interact with the most. Mirroring is a skill that I have found to be most useful in navigating social interactions in my personal and professional life.
These "gifts" of mine help me survive social situations, but they also often get me into trouble. Reading people is most useful in my work healing through coaching, it is also quite handy in strategizing and business consulting, but it is not well received in my personal relationships. People rarely respond well to hard truths, the exception being when a reading is requested because they are actively seeking growth or healing.
This skill is not only useful for reading people, but it also facilitates mirroring people... both consciously and subconsciously. I will subconsciously pick up accents, vocabulary, mannerisms, interests, and even personality traits from the people I interact with the most. Mirroring is a skill that I have found to be most useful in navigating social interactions in my personal and professional life.
These "gifts" of mine help me survive social situations, but they also often get me into trouble. Reading people is most useful in my work healing through coaching, it is also quite handy in strategizing and business consulting, but it is not well received in my personal relationships. People rarely respond well to hard truths, the exception being when a reading is requested because they are actively seeking growth or healing.
But that is not the case in day-to-day interactions with friends or romantic partners. And I should know better, except I keep making the mistake when I get too comfortable with someone. That is essentially why I hate social settings and avoid social interactions as much as possible. I just don’t have the emotional or energetic bandwidth to mask, feign surprise, and pretend I don’t see what I see for extended periods.
When I blurt out truths that are not well received, I will typically pull away from that relationship or raise my guard up and go back into mask and filter-mode. I had not fully acknowledged this pattern of mine until I came face to face with it in one of my closest friendships. I got too comfortable and bluntly spoke truths that were unsolicited, and worse yet, did so using thoughtless and careless language.
My friend reacted defensively, as was to be expected, and I felt incredibly guilty afterward for having hurt her feelings. My initial reaction was to pull away completely with the limiting belief that "I am not good at relationships", to avoid making the same mistake again thus sparing her future hurt. But I didn’t want to go back into hermit mode because that is a pattern of avoidance that I am trying to heal.
I kept up with our interactions, but had been occupying myself with other activities to reduce exposure and the risk of messing up again. I had also just not been as excited about talking to her as I had grown accustomed to and become too comfortable with because I have to exert a greater amount of energy socializing when I feel the need to mask and filter myself.
And then, last week, my thoughts were drawn to Gemini man. He left my life suddenly and abruptly, and it has been the hardest relationship to get over. As hard, or harder even than my 18 year relationship and marriage to my ex. I went into meditation and self-reflection to discover what shadow aspect of myself brought my experience with him to mind once again (*exasperated sigh*).
I suddenly came to the realization that I was reacting to my friend in the same way he would often react to me. I would reflect his truths, without his request, and he would take offense and shut down. And when he would reflect uncomfortable truths about me, I would go into defensive mode, he would pull away, and then I would do the work to heal and grow, heartbroken until he came back.
Until today, I only ever saw harshness in his pulling away, without fully understanding the discomfort that would make anyone, including me, choose to stop engaging with someone in a similar dynamic. Recent experiences with my friend have provided powerful mirroring and given me much-needed clarity about unacknowledged shadow aspects of myself and newfound empathy for Gemini Man.
The journey into wholeness is one of self-love and acceptance. Our relationships are potential power-ups and superstars to help us along the way if we are willing to look at our reflection in them, light and shadow, say "Mirror mirror, I accept and love it all", and put in the work to heal the traits and patterns we no longer want to see reflected back to us.
I kept up with our interactions, but had been occupying myself with other activities to reduce exposure and the risk of messing up again. I had also just not been as excited about talking to her as I had grown accustomed to and become too comfortable with because I have to exert a greater amount of energy socializing when I feel the need to mask and filter myself.
And then, last week, my thoughts were drawn to Gemini man. He left my life suddenly and abruptly, and it has been the hardest relationship to get over. As hard, or harder even than my 18 year relationship and marriage to my ex. I went into meditation and self-reflection to discover what shadow aspect of myself brought my experience with him to mind once again (*exasperated sigh*).
From Shadow to Empathy
I suddenly came to the realization that I was reacting to my friend in the same way he would often react to me. I would reflect his truths, without his request, and he would take offense and shut down. And when he would reflect uncomfortable truths about me, I would go into defensive mode, he would pull away, and then I would do the work to heal and grow, heartbroken until he came back.
Until today, I only ever saw harshness in his pulling away, without fully understanding the discomfort that would make anyone, including me, choose to stop engaging with someone in a similar dynamic. Recent experiences with my friend have provided powerful mirroring and given me much-needed clarity about unacknowledged shadow aspects of myself and newfound empathy for Gemini Man.
The journey into wholeness is one of self-love and acceptance. Our relationships are potential power-ups and superstars to help us along the way if we are willing to look at our reflection in them, light and shadow, say "Mirror mirror, I accept and love it all", and put in the work to heal the traits and patterns we no longer want to see reflected back to us.
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