The growth to be found in the healing process is never ending! It has been a little over a month since I wrote about how my last attempt at love turned out to be another valuable lesson on my journey towards secure attachment.
In a previous entry, I had also shared that I tended to operate from an anxious preoccupied style and how I am still learning to overcome the anxiety triggered symptoms of CPTSD that rear their ugly head in relationships with people who are more avoidant in their attachment style.
I have come to the realization that there is still so much left for me to discover about childhood trauma, it’s impact on our attachment styles, and how these coping mechanisms interfere and obstruct our ability to form healthy bonds and relationships in our adult lives. These lessons are not only proving to be valuable for me, but I know for a fact they will help me improve as a professional dedicated to creating the best fertility coaching program for couples confronting infertility. The mind body connection is real and scientifically proven; our emotional and mental state has a direct consequence on our physical health and integral wellbeing. Relationship issues, unhealed past and present trauma, and unhealthy patterns are an undeniable reality in infertility.
I ended up having a much harder time letting go this last go around with my Gemini man. I even tried to offer a compromise in a last ditch attempt to stay connected, instead of just abruptly cutting things off which contradicted my desire to be there for him in the good and the bad. I brought up our different attachment styles and proposed a way to find a healthier way to interact so as to keep in touch. But that was another fail and the final nail, at least for now, on the coffin for that situationship. Am I over him? No, and if I am being honest, there is a part of me that feels this story line in my life has yet to reach its conclusion. Only time will tell but, if there is something I know from first hand experience, it is that time really does help us heal and move on.
The catch is that we have to be self-aware and unafraid to fully feel, confront, heal, improve, and overcome all of the uncomfortable emotions, trauma, fears, flaws and insecurities that our life experiences bring up in ourselves. Along with the inner work required to heal, let go, and move forward in all aspects of our lives; energy cord cutting rituals can provide a lot of aid with necessary moments of release, recall, and reset. They facilitate releasing our attachment to people, thoughts, situations, problems, etc that are hindering our growth or have become detrimental to our wellbeing. They allow us to recall the energy we project in bonding experiences, ruminations, expectations, worries and the like, and help us prep our lives for the new.
There are many different ways to carry out a cord cutting, energy recalling, and energy cleansing ritual. If you are interested in learning more about energy cords, this article is a great summary that explains these etheric bonds and even explains simple ways to carry out “energy cord pruning” sessions. And if that’s not enough to satisfy your curiosity, there is also this one which further explains the dynamics of energetic binds and even includes a wonderful playlist of guided meditations to get you on your way to a reinvigorating energy cleanse.
One session did not prove to be enough for me and I still feel connected to my Gemini man, but I sense it’s because he is likely still tapped into me. I wish him well on his own personal journey and lesson. However, I have done enough clearing on my end that I feel stable and content to bring the focus of my energy back on myself and continue in forward momentum on my own path. What lessons did my experience with him teach me or reinforce?
Appreciating silence.
Enjoying my own company.
Healing with self compassion.
Asking for and accepting help.
Advocating for my needs.
Not helping at the expense of myself.
Choosing only from those who choose me.
Not settling for less than what I am willing to invest.
More discernment.
Being unafraid to let go and move on when it is clear that I am better off on my own.
Because Gemini turned out to be another man in my life with an avoidant style, I decided it was high time I learned more about that particular attachment style. I had read some about it during my quest to fully understand my own anxious attachment tendencies, but it wasn’t until he came into my life and I was once again confronted with the anxiety that an avoidant style inspires in me that I decided to research attachment theory more in depth. In doing so, I had a divine intervention that ended in the discovery of another beautiful and bright guiding light in my journey: Thais Gibson. She is an author, speaker and leader in the personal development field and she specializes in attachment theory. Her large body of work, across multiple platforms including her website and Personal Development School, is meant to empower individuals to heal different attachments in their lives and reprogram any limiting thoughts and behaviors.
I cannot fully express how educational and personally enlightening her videos have been! I have spent the last month binging on her YouTube videos. I am even considering investing in her program as a useful tool for enriching my work with infertility patients. Anyway, on the home page of her website you can find a quick quiz for discovering your own attachment style. I have been so engrossed in her videos, but had yet to discover this quiz until today. But before going into that, I have to share the recent occurrence in my life that led me to this quiz. I only got back into Instagram towards the middle of last year. I use it mostly as an outlet for creative expression, insightful introspection, and spiritual learning and motivation from the various positively uplifting psychology, self improvement, and life coaching profiles I follow. I have very few followers, as it isn’t an outlet I am concerned with promoting or even sharing beyond a few of my friends for now.
I have gotten a few interesting men following me, but nothing beyond that until recently. This weekend, to my great surprise, I got a direct message from someone new. We’ll call him Pisces man. He reached out in a DM and I confess I was hesitant to answer. I am not at all experienced with random people reaching out beyond my short lived time on Wireclub. Even on there, I got very few contacts, a few of which were extremely inappropriate in the form of unsolicited dick pics, another were two self-centered and hollow short exchanges, and two good connections, of which only one turned into something truly meaningful (Gemini Man). I deleted my profile on there and stopped using that platform altogether after the first break with him. But a new year means new adventures so I thought “why the hell not!?” and proceeded to accept his request and respond.
We have had a couple of lovely exchanges with some pauses in between which would have set my past self off on a negative self defeating spiral; repeating old toxic patterns. However, I have actually found our interactions to be quite natural and pleasant. I have gone about my life as usual. When he has written, I have replied and enjoyed the conversation until he says goodbye to get back to his own thing, and then I get back to mine. There is a new and unfamiliar, but most promising, lack of urgency. With my ex husband and with both good connections on Wireclub, but especially with Gemini man, I was riddled with anxiety awaiting contact from the get go, I obsessed over the possibility of a love connection, and I jumped too quickly into the deep end, too intensely, too insistently, creating unhealthy expectations.
This time, I am not experiencing magical thinking, not feeling limerant, nor am I worrying or expecting anything beyond interesting conversations to get to know someone new. I am not feeling triggered by this new experience and that feels so freeing and healthy, but also really weird! The old me would have erroneously thought that I am not obsessing because I am not attracted to him. But that is not the case here, Pisces man is a handsome, fit and seemingly successful, hard working man. There is nothing about him, so far, to not like or appreciate. For the first time in my life I am approaching a new prospect in a calm and laid back way, and so taken aback am I by this that I thought “is it possible I am actually changing my old patterns?!”
I went to Thais on YouTube to look for some form of confirmation or reference to understand this new state I am in and ended up watching this video of hers about secure attachment to identify if what I am experiencing might be indicative of a new more secure style:
I am, in fact, exhibiting and feeling the qualities she talks about in this video! I was shocked, but in a very good way and it was in the description of this video that I discovered the link to the quiz. So today, I decided to take it to gauge the impact my recent experiences, past life lessons, continued inner work, growth and healing have had on my attachment style. I was pleasantly surprised to see my results:
.png)
Post a Comment