Divine Order

I love the expression "it´s all gravy baby", and I know that “baby” is not part of the original but, to me, it makes the saying more endearing... like a mother consoling her daughter. That one funny phrase encompasses a whole lot of other "glass half full" ones I use often: everything is going to be okay, everything has a purpose, all things are for our highest good, this too shall pass, take things in stride, let go and let God etc. In summary, trust in Divine Order. 

The first Law of the Universe is the Law of Divine Oneness. The Law of Divine Oneness holds the understanding that we live in a world where everything is connected to everything else. "When we spread love and connection in the world, the world is a kinder place." That is a beautiful sentiment and my own personal mantra... it´s the inner knowing I abide by, the belief that drives all of my decisions and actions... in every aspect of my life... my purpose in life.  

I am trusting in Divine Order and slowly coming up for Air after my Gemini Man saga, a roller coaster of ups and downs, a complicated unofficial situationship... because there was never an official relationship there. Like he once said, what we had was a series of "sporadic trysts". But to me, it all felt incredibly magnetic, divine, and special. Ultimately, I was too much for him and he was unwilling and/or unable to show up in an intentional way for me, and even if it didn´t work out, I regret nothing.

He was looking for escapism... for easy and less, less intense, less complicated, less effort. I am looking for more... a deep and long-term connection, a mutual and reciprocal exchange of energy, time, and effort. I want a partner who knows how to engage my mind, ignite my heart, and inspire my Spirit like he did but is also willing to put in the work to develop a healthy relationship with me and grow together as we go. That second part turned out to be a non-negotiable for Gemini Man.

I would have kept going and trying because I am an overachiever who has a hard time knowing when enough is enough and how to let go. But my Spirit guides always know better and, as a result of following a Divine Inspiration, he ended our connection again with the words "you are too much for me". It was in Divine Order, he had to be the one to end things and those had to be the exact words he used to put me off for good. That phrase triggers deep wounds of mine, a red hot button with the most jarring impact. I have an entire poem about that phrase. I hate it with a passion!

It has taken me a long time, and a lot of personal growth to learn to accept and love every aspect of myself. ALL OF ME. All of my intensity, all of my depth, and everything I have to offer. And I still have not mastered it, but I have made large strides toward self-love. I was always told to take up less space, to talk less, to speak softer, to only answer when spoken to, to not share my opinions, to not stir shit up, to not express my feelings and emotions, to only act in ways that were pleasing to others, to turn off my light so as to not disturb the darkness, to compromise my needs for the needs of others... to be less in every aspect of my life. Fu$@ that! I am no longer willing to make myself small, to dim my light, to compromise my truth for the sake of other people´s comfort. No more and never again, not even for my Gemini Man!

I mustered up all of the grace I could and said my last goodbye and I am proud to say I haven´t wavered in my resolve or gone looking for him again. He seems to have moved on in search of his next dose of escapism as well. Aren´t you sad? Hell yes, I was not only sad... but flat-out depressed, unmotivated, and sorrowful. His departure coincided with my parents´ terribly triggering separation and soon divorce, and my sister´s divorce. Those two life-altering events, in and of themselves, have brought up a whole lot of the same old wounds, and unhealed trauma that my experience with Gemini Man highlighted. But I always take an active role in my healing and spiritual journey, so I have been helping myself, as well as my mother and sister, and we three have been working through all of this unresolved baggage together as a family. 

All in all, I have been experiencing the Dark Night of the Soul once again in my life. What I have called the "trial-by-fire" chapter of my life. I have worked through my pain in creative musings on this blog. I have also been employing Somatic Therapy and Breathwork and incorporating QiGong into my spiritual practice. Do I wish I could share all of this with him? Yes! I sense in my Soul that he is my Twin Flame, but all of you who know about Twin Flames will know that they don´t always have a happy ending. 

Twin flames are, as the name implies, two flames from one source that act as mirrors for each other. Polar halves of one whole, like the yin-yang symbol. A split energetic form that separates into the masculine and feminine versions of itself. There is undeniable familiarity, a strong magnetic pull, and a feeling like you have known the person for many lifetimes. This connection is always sacred and transformational. A twin flame connection is once in a lifetime and can be a great source of reflection and growth. It is meant to help us work through our triggers, unhealed trauma, and personal challenges. 

A twin flame reflects characteristics we haven´t developed or learned to love about ourselves, highlights our fears and insecurities, emphasizes behaviors in us that we need to change, and inspires us to become a better version of ourselves. The triggering and mirroring that ensues will lead to conflicts, but always an underlying deep yearning and longing to be together. A push-and-pull dynamic arises and twin flames often end up chasing each other. The catch is that, for the union to become the life-changing experience that it is meant to be, there has to be a mutual commitment to unconditional love, self-reflection, self-discovery, and personal growth. Both partners have to be willing and able to work through the shit they will trigger in each other. 

When both are putting in the work to grow together and work through conflict, a magical bond is forged. There are seven stages to a Twin Flame connection, and I got stuck at stages 4 (Crisis Point) and 5 (Chase / Push and Pull) with Gemini Man. The sixth stage is Surrender and that is what I decided to comply with, to surrender my need to hold on to him and let him go. Will there be stage seven? That is out of my control. Whatever is meant to happen will happen. I am also not entirely sure if I am able to tell the difference, at this stage of my spiritual growth and personal healing, between a genuine Twin Flame connection and a codependent trauma response. I may be overly romanticizing our situationship. 

For now, the healthy path to take is accepting his departure as a call to keep working on myself. Beyond keeping busy and working on enriching my spiritual practice, I finally started to write my book. I hope to finish it in the coming months. My best friend Amy is a friend I put on the back burner with all of the emotional turmoil I have been experiencing in my life. She is an accomplished writer and editor and I know she will love to catch up on my life by reading my book once I am finished with it. That is my new personal goal. To finish it in time for her birthday in June. 

I also came across a school for hermeticism in Guatemala that helped me realize that all the knowledge I need is held within my keeping, oversoul Love sense. In the depths of my Divine Spirit is where I will uncover all the wisdom I seek. This door that manifested was a fateful opportunity intended to test out my discernment and intuition. I am happy to say my Third Eye is wide awake, heightened and keen… and my Divine Protection and connection to Source has proven unwavering once more. I am now quite clear on the path I am meant to take, and I know this was a turning point in my spiritual awakening. Another trial experienced and passed on my way toward embodying the Spiritual Guide and Healer I know in my Soul I am meant to become. 

Tags: Divine Intervention Divine Order Healing Love Personal Growth Spirit Spiritual Twin Flame

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