I was watching the Drew Barrymore show this week, trying to get over a heartache, because her show always makes me incredibly happy. Drew is the kind of person I am naturally drawn to... intellectual and emotional souls with depth, layers, and complexity... eccentricity even! People who bring out the best in you, who inspire you to Be More, who move you to tears, uplift you with laughter, make you question your reality and open you up to new perspectives, broadening your horizons.
Doing things that make you happy, and focusing your energy on all that fills your life with joy is the best medicine, without a doubt, for anything that ails you. I have learned from my work with Infertility couples, in mind and body therapy sessions, that all endings need a good mourning period. When we march on as though nothing happened, we close the door to necessary healing and worthwhile opportunities for spiritual and personal growth and development. After all, pain, fear, and heartbreak are inevitable.
In the therapy sessions with my patients, we have also discovered the importance of setting timelines for our pain. That is how we prevent getting sucked into a bottomless pit of self-pity that can only lead to depression. For this heartbreak, I decided to allow my Self, Spirit, and Soul no more than 2 days of sulking and mourning. In sulking, it is important to not take things personally, but rather try to understand the other person from their story and see the divinity behind the unfolding.
What is not meant to be... will simply not be... and you have to accept that and move on to greener pastures. Laughter, kindness, compassion for ourselves, and lots of smiling will always help you overcome these small deaths, get the mourning period out of your system sooner, and learn the intrinsic lesson with greater ease.
I am proud to say that I have been successfully implementing intermittent fasting, and eating clean and healthy for several weeks now. But for my self-allotted short period of mourning, I went ahead and bought myself some Flaming Hot Cheetos, some of my favorite Jalapeño chips, and buffalo wings... and accompanied all of that with a delicious Coca-Cola! I took the day off of work and watched YouTube (Drew Barrymore, EJspeaks, Abi Clarke, Ryan Reynolds ads, Hilarious Modern Parenting, and amazingly soothing and transporting music and videos at Cafe de Anatolia) for some TLC. I gifted myself a small pity party... at moments some tears... at moments some inner reflection to some great music... and all of it intermingled with laughter at funny clips and "aha moments" during entertaining interviews Jajaja. I ended the day exorcising my feelings in a poem.
Unfortunately, the junk food caught up with me today, as I woke up feeling heavy and eww. But nothing a good ol' glass of water with some activated charcoal can´t clear up 🤭 So why the heartbreak Jessi? Because I opened myself up to someone in the most honest, revealing, and vulnerable way and it ended up backfiring on me. That is what led me to the Drew Barrymore show yesterday. She had Susan Sarandon on as a guest. Both are amazingly powerful and influential women that I greatly admire. One line from that interview moved me deeply and brought me back on here today to continue the needed release.
The full clip is one in which Drew asks Susan for interesting unknown tidbits from her iconic movie roles. They get to talking about love in movies and, right after Drew expresses her love of platonic love stories, Susan shares such a truthful and powerful message that it moves Drew to tears... it moved me to tears! It also made me fall in love with both of these ladies even more 💖. You can watch the full clip, or jump to 2:41 for the soul-touching part I am referring to 😊
"Because it´s the bravest thing that you can do... is to be open to another person."
Bravo 👏 and Amen 🙌 Miss Sarandon! AMEN to that for sure!
Her inspired words helped me reflect and realize I had not made a mistake in being so honest and vulnerable. That was me wanting and trying to connect with someone I was... and if I am honest still am and will probably continue to be for a while (and that too is okay and part of the mourning process)... quite smitten with on a deeper level... in courage, strength, and unwavering hope! There is absolutely nothing wrong with that!
It also got me reading a lot of really great posts on the subject. I want to share some of the best tips I found in case you are going through heartbreak, questioning yourself, giving in to the fear of pain; closing your heart to love, being less, doing less, and retreating into a lifeless existence.
Useful tips from "How to Let Go of the Fear of Being Hurt Again" by Cloris Kylie Stock:
- The instinct of self-preservation can protect us from repeating mistakes and experiencing pain, but it can also prevent us from living life to the fullest.
- A full life is made of a wide range of experiences, and some of these experiences will be unpleasant.
- Avoidance based on fear will not protect you from experiencing pain.
- Let go of limiting beliefs that keep you stuck and enjoy the unlimited, amazing abundance that life has to offer.
And this article "Fear of intimacy: When You Are Afraid of Getting Too Close" on PsychCentral.com is chock full of insights and links to many other articles on their website...it is a great one-stop shop for greater clarity on the fear of intimacy, emotional unavailability, fear of abandonment, the different attachment styles, and some great tips on how to overcome the fear of getting too close to someone.
"Getting too close to another person can mean exposing your vulnerabilities — emotional hotspots where you could be hurt. But intimacy can also offer you support, understanding, and a sense of connection."
I hope this helps you as much as it has proven to be helpful to me to close this chapter healthily and enable me to move forward in continued bravery towards whatever it is that life has in store for me.
Life lesson: Don´t ever let fear stand in the way of you opening up to people you are intuitively and naturally drawn to. Don´t get in your head wondering: "how will they react", "what if I scare them off", "what if they stop talking to me", "how will I come across", or "what will they think of me". NONSENSE... just do it... BE YOU and open yourself up in a genuine way! It truly is the bravest thing you can do, for them and for yourself. The worst and best that happen from doing so is that you will discover and uncover their true intentions and feelings towards you. Even when those intentions/perceptions/emotions end up hurting you because they aren't what you wanted... trust and know that they will always be what you needed. Whether that be to move you along on your way... to get you to take off those rose-colored glasses... force you to face reality for what it is... allow you to discover more about yourself, and about others for that matter... and help you release that which will not serve your higher purpose/happiness/well-being in the long run. The Universe always conspires in our favor, even when we do not believe this to be so.
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