Today is 12:11:2022 = 11 = 2 in numerology. Yesterday was 11:11:2022 = 10 = 1 in numerology.
I am accustomed to seeing 11:11 in my everyday life whenever I am in the thick of spiritual challenges, personal growth, and changes. Add to this the numerology of these two dates... a whole lot of 1s, another bunch of 2s, and the current 11:11 energetic gateway, and such an influx inspired me to pay more attention.
I love astrology, numerology, and tarot... but I don´t pretend to be a source of wisdom on these topics. They are simply some of the tools I like to use sometimes when I find myself questioning my perception or I am looking for confirmation of an intuitive sense.
I recently purchased what will be my very first Tarot Deck (I have as of late been drawn to the White Feather Tarot on YouTube for my tarot readings). But this deck called out to me upon stumbling on an incredible artist on Instagram named Daniel Martin Diaz. His amazing artwork spoke to me on a spiritual note and resonated with my Soul. I look forward to learning more about Tarot Reading and harnessing some of my prophetic and spiritual gifts by employing this medium.
Today I was guided to a wonderful article and for purposes of putting my 11:11 reflections and desired manifestations into context, I will reference the definitions and explanations on the number 11 and the energy this number encompasses found in this piece by the Sage Goddess.
"11/11 is a day that’s incredibly potent for manifestation – one of the most powerful of the year. 11 is a master number, and its frequency speeds up manifestation, opening channels through which angelic beings can send their wisdom and support."Now let´s add to this the meanings of the number 1 from this site.
"The essence of the number 1, in numerology, is quite significant because it represents creation, a new beginning... it symbolizes a new beginning, a fresh start, a revival, and a clean slate. The natural state of the number 1 exudes all the active energies of the yang, the masculine. However, when the 1 vibrates at a lower frequency, it easily becomes passive and weak. The predominant vibration the negative 1 takes on is the feeling of dependence, fear, doubt, and arrogance."
And the meaning of the number 2 from this one.
"In the Major Arcana of the Tarot, the number 2 card is the High Priestess. She is associated with the duality of body and spirit, her planet is the moon and her element is water... (she) stands in stark contrast to the number 1 whose Tarot card is the Magician associated with the clarity of the sun and whose element is fire. She has the same creative powers as The Magician, but is cloistered away from the world of activity and is concerned more with intuitive and occult systems of knowledge."
All of this led me to my own personal takeaways... beginnings, willpower, breaking free of dependence, fear, and doubt; becoming more in tune with my intuition, and learning to discern and seek clarity. I see this 11:11 spiritual gateway as a great opportunity for me to break cycles/patterns of unhealthy behavior and manifest better habits and healthier relationships.
I have been in the thick of healing for the past year and a half. But in spite of all of the healing, there seems to be always another layer of dirt and sh$t awaiting its turn in the healing transmutation that occurs under the divine light and the love energy I find in my spiritual relationship with my divinity.
I am confronted time and again with the remnants of my CPTSD... for this topic I will reference my favorite source, Anna, she has been a wonderful coach and aid to me throughout my healing journey through the many educational videos, wonderful advice, and all of the practical "tough love" healing tips to be found on her website The Crappy Childhood Fairy and her YouTube channel.
"PTSD, or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, is an accepted diagnosis that is used in cases where people had a traumatic event happen in adulthood (like taking part in a violent battle or having a car accident). The symptoms include flashbacks, anxiety, depression, insomnia, social withdrawal, and explosive emotions, among other things. Another, second of PTSD is Complex PTSD (or CPTSD) which is caused by chronic, ongoing exposure to emotional or physical trauma, such as living through a war, being in an abusive relationship, or growing up neglected or abused. It’s this variant of CPTSD I call “Childhood PTSD,” because most people intuitively understand what it means, and it’s what my work is all about."If you suspect you have CPTSD, she also has a test on her website to provide you with some clarity.
I have yet to go in-depth into my traumatic childhood on this blog, but I did write a small glimpse into it in several of my older entries like in this one. The 18 years of witnessing physical abuse, experiencing neglect, and being a victim of emotional abuse by two narcissistic parents who were, and still are, in a toxic co-dependent relationship (both of whom survived extremely traumatic childhoods of their own) left too many scars I still haven't fully identified nor healed.
Thanks to the Crappy Childhood Fairy and several other useful sources I referenced in my entry about my latest heartbreak, I have identified the following: I have an anxious attachment style, I am unhealthily drawn to emotionally unavailable men with an avoidant attachment style, I crave love but when I am faced with the prospect of love I either dive too deep too soon (when the physical chemistry or spiritual pull I feel towards the person is strong) or I run away (when there is kindness and friendship, but no attraction felt by me) and avoid.
In all of my relationships, the common denominators which make me prefer isolation, and antisocial behavior, and drive me to avoid building real intimacy altogether are a deep-rooted fear of abandonment and rejection, the shame I have attached to being myself and expressing my emotions, and a really difficult time being honest about what I need, assertively communicating these needs and setting healthy boundaries.
This video by Anna is one of the many videos of hers which have helped me grow in leaps and bounds towards self-acceptance and self-love, living in authenticity, being more social, communicating in a more assertive manner, and setting boundaries in all of my relationships.
From this video on isolation and lack of boundaries, I learned that I tend to isolate myself because I fear becoming "sucked in" and overwhelmed with demands from other people because of my inability to say no, set boundaries, and communicate assertively. Working on building up my self-confidence and self-love really has brought out my capacity to set boundaries. This, in turn, has given me more freedom to say yes and venture out of my comfort zone because I am more confident in my ability to leave, say no, or change my mind.
But I still have a lot of work to do. Anna has three common behaviors in people struggling with CPTSD that I fully identify with and are, as of yet, still works in progress for me. One of them is limerance:
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