I have never been know for having lots of friends, preferring quality over quantity all the way. Don´t get me wrong, I have gotten over a lot of my very introverted ways and have learned to appreciate small talk and superficial chit chat with acquaintances and co-workers. I pride myself in being a good listener and tend to attract people who need a shoulder to cry on, but I very rarely cry on anyone´s shoulder. That is something only my husband and BFs are privy too. I have a hard time letting anyone new into my life. The problem with that is that there are few people who can comfort me when times are tough and when the select few aren´t present, I feel very lonely.
I say all that to justify my pity party in true Drama Queen fashion, but I´m not done whining. My BF in Guate has traveled abroad and is currently M.I.A., indefinitely. My other BF lives in the states and is a busy accomplished freelance writer so I don´t get to talk to her as much as I would like. The only other friend I can really open up to lives in France and the time difference makes it hard to chat, so that means I am now on my own in Guate. I have another close friend here, but that relationship is more about me listening and giving advice rather than one I feel comfortable enough to open up in. Others have come and gone in the last few years, but none have stuck. That was one of the last things my BF and I talked about before she left... how hard it is to start a new meaningful relationship. We were discussing specifically friendships, but I know it applies to a new romantic relationship as well. By the time you hit 30, the people who matter and have been there for you have accompanied you through the most important times in your life: relationships woes and jollies, graduations, first job, first promotion, and, in my case, marriage and first baby. They have seen you at your best and worst and love you still. You have fought, made up, have inside jokes, can complete each other´s sentences because you are so in sync and in tune to one another that spending time with that person is an easy-going, pleasant, no pretense, no awkward silences, natural and fulfilling experience. That kind of relationship, be it friendly or romantic, is priceless and, in my experience, takes years to cultivate.
I am at a place in my life where I don´t have the time or energy to devote to a new friendship. I have a husband to care for, I´m devoted to raising Hannah, and we are about to embark on our first entrepreneurial venture. I love the friends I have and can´t imagine finding anyone else I could get along so well with. The few attempts at new friendships I have made have turned out to be flops because they took more than they gave back. Life lesson: surround yourself with people who replenish the energy they absorb, not with "friends" who take more than they give back. The best metaphor I can think of for this life lesson is to equate a relationship to two glasses connected on the bottom by a hose. The BEST relationships are those in which you both start out with equal amounts of water (call it happiness or positive energy) and when one has a spill, some of the water in your glass will travel to your friend´s / significant other´s / spouse´s glass through the hose until the water levels in both glasses even out again. One of you (better if both of you) has to have the capacity to absorb water from the world around you (spirituality / incurable optimism / love / positivity / gratefulness) when the water levels get too low so that, regardless of however many spills you both endure, neither glass ever runs out of water. The WORST relationships are those in which one of the glasses has a gaping hole in it (hate / negativity / chronic complaining) because in that case, regardless of how much water the other one is able to absorb and share, eventually both glasses will be empty. Life lesson no.2: In my life, Faith has been the best tool for mending the holes in my glass. Life lesson no.3: NO! Regardless of love-induced delusions, you will never be able to mend the holes in someone else´s glass nor should you ever expect someone else to mend your own.
Having written all of that, and gotten it off my chest, I realize, after proof-reading it with a much more level head, that this time of loneliness is life´s way of helping me value the friendships I have and be grateful for all of the blessings in my life that make "being lonely" my biggest complaint. It is also encouraging me to leave my comfort zone. To venture out into the world and face the new challenges that are coming my way with renewed Faith and resolve. However lonely I feel, deep down I know that I am never alone, my Faith and incurable optimism are always there to give me strength to push through and carry on. These gifts are the best kind of friends because they help me raise myself up and dust myself off whenever I feel down and in the dumps and bravely navigate my way through the new trails laid out before me, confident that there will always be a light to guide my way and now with even more resolve because I want to be a good role model, so every day I pray to blaze a positive path I hope my little darling will one day follow.
Nothing like a good refill of clean refreshing water after a spill, I am done with my pity party now and ready to get on with the show ;)
*I had such a hard time finding an image to go with this post, and finally I came across this one and loved how it could represent how every person I am in a close relationship with has something that makes their glass of water special, and every one of these special people in my life will know that the glass with the lime in it is ME :)
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