My favorite poet is Rumi.
Rumi was not only a poet; he was a scholar, a theologian, and a mystic... I like to consider myself a little bit of all of the above 😊
His poems speak to me on many different levels and, today, I was divinely drawn to one of his poems after waking from a night spent in meditation, emotional rumination, and rapturous contemplation.
The Breeze at Dawn
The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.
Don’t go back to sleep.
You must ask for what you really want.
Don’t go back to sleep.
People are going back and forth across the doorsill
where the two worlds touch.
The door is round and open.
Don’t go back to sleep.
~ Rumi
I was destined to move back to Guatemala... this country a barrage of spiritual quests... a test of my endurance, resilience, strength of my character, steadfastness in faith, resolve, and determination. For all of the wonderful experiences I have had in this country, my work with Indigenous Mayan Communities, the birth of my daughter, and the awakening of the Mayan Goddess in me; there have also been too many moments of sadness, depression, desperation, loneliness, and entrapment.
I have been a willing prisoner in this country. At first, a scared and timid bird that fell into a masterfully set trap. In the words of Maya Angelou My wings clipped, my feet bound, opening my throat only to sing of freedom... standing on a grave of dreams. The years went by. I became accustomed to captivation, stopped focusing on the cage, made myself small, turned down my flame, and gave up singing of freedom. I forgot I was imprisoned, and fell into a Spiritual Slumber.
Divine Intervention woke me from this deep state of sleep. Another test upon me: if my captor was removed from my life, the door to my cage opened... would I face my fears head-on and charge through them towards the emancipation of my Soul? I am happy to say that I did. Though this was not an easy process... it took a couple of years to once again become aware of the confines I was in. Then it took a couple of more to valiantly fly out the door and begin to heal. But I realized last night that I am still in the house, having only replaced the experience of my cage for a self-imposed house arrest.
Why are you still in Guatemala? That is a question I inevitably face each time someone discovers that my family all live back in Texas. That I have a Visa and an opportunity to become a legal US resident once more. Within my grasp is the illusive American dream of all immigrants who leave Guatemala each year, heading up north to try their luck at their version of freedom. I wish I had a clear answer to this question, but in my ruminations, I realized that all my "valid" reasons are, in truth, rationalizations keeping me stuck in the familiar.
I have been smug in my claims that I have overcome fear... I have not! I am still in the thick of it. This must be my next test: in the face of the possibility of safety, love, and a better life for Hannah and me... will I leave my house arrest? The stirrings are there... the divine whispers from my higher self at night promising the fulfillment of my wish... answering my silent prayer... the satiation of the yearning of my soul to love and be loved... the manifestation of my happiness!
Only time will tell... for now I am content to delight in the stirrings and the whispers until my feelings and thoughts take on a life of their own... the urging and experiences of my Spirit inspiring my creative will to evolve, transition, and transform once more... to move towards my destiny.
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