I was your typical overachiever, perfectionist to a fault and riddled with OCD. My 5 year plan in summary: work like a dog and eventually take over the world. What about kids? Yes, I wanted to have children, but no worries, my husband and I had discussed the possibility of him being the stay-at-home-parent while I worked and conquered. But 3 years went by and no baby, and the infertility problems I faced during that time turned all of those comments/warnings I had heard into the longings of my soul. The change I experienced was not only an external one, it was a hardcore change in core values and beliefs. I realized my professional happiness and success was just not enough anymore. I loved my job, but it was a temporary high, an adrenaline rush that lasted as long as I kept working and I realized I didn´t want to keep working... I wanted to get back to the basics, to rediscover my essence.
I quit my job, found one that was more flexible and wouldn´t consume me. I took up swimming and finally had free time to dedicate to my forgotten passion for reading. I read spiritually uplifting and interesting articles, I learned to relax and began to rid myself of my obsessive behaviors. In short, all of my personal and spiritual growth did a body good and in less than a year I discovered I was pregnant. Hannah`s arrival did nothing more than consolidate all of the pieces of my new found self. She was the icing on the cake and made my new life complete. My 5 year plan in summary now: make no further plans and just let it flow, all good things will come, enjoy life, Raise Hannah. I choose not to work. Not because I don´t need to, not because I am a lazy person, not because I failed at work, not because I am an anti-feminist... I just don´t want to.
My new self yearns to spend the majority of my time with my daughter, to give myself completely to her. I don´t know if this will change anytime soon, it really is such a deep-rooted desire so for now this is how I roll. So please don´t ask me why I don´t want to work or assume I am lost without a job or make me feel like I have to explain myself, just respect my choice and let me enjoy my present time-off and the precious moments I have with my daughter while I still can because tomorrow is another day and who knows what the future has in store for me, all I know is that everything happens for a reason and that God has a master plan for us all...
To everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under the heavens. -Ecclesiastes 3:1
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