I mention the movie because on our latest outing, my BF said Hannah´s new attempts at talking sounded very much like the minions in the movie and her mother likened her attempts to Boo from Monster´s Inc. I got all emotional when she made the comparison because I am the biggest Monster´s Inc. fan ever, especially Boo. So much is my love of Boo that it´s right up there with my love of Elmo. When Monster´s Inc. first came out, I remember mentioning to my parents just how cute I thought Boo was and that they should watch the movie and how I hoped one day God would gift me a baby girl like Boo. I am a daddy´s girl and when I was having struggles getting pregnant and had a brief fit of depression, I remember pouring my heart ouUhto my father. What did he do? He gave me a talking Boo doll complete with her teddy monster. I cherished that doll and when the comparison was made between Hannah and Boo I was so overwhelmed I had to fight back getting all teary-eyed about it.
Well my little real life Boo, who says "Dodo" like a little minion is up to all sorts of mischief. We haven´t even reached the terrible twos. I have to say that the whole concept of "terrible twos" is, in my opinion, an understatement... it should really be referred to as the "terrible toddler years". I´m starting to get looks from strangers out in public, and not positive "OMG, she´s so cute" looks but rather "OMG, can´t you quiet her down". It is also becoming quite clear just how physically exhausting caring for a toddler is going to be. While my BF chatted with her mother and cousin, I spent almost the entire time doing laps around the coffee place with Hannah... she LOVES to walk but is still not walking on her own so that means when Hannah walks, so does Mama. At home, I have gotten to looking for inspiration on the internet like this one about how to keep my baby entertained and occupied, but she really does have boundless energy. If I try to sit and blog for a bit, the constant tugging at my pants, or at the computer´s energy cord makes it quite impossible to write more than a paragraph at a time. I have to take breaks to sit and play with her, then back to my computer, then back to playing with her and so forth. Why don´t I write during naps? Well, she just doesn´t nap as much anymore and when she does nap, she refuses to release my breast during the majority of the nap duration. Why don´t I wean her? Because this phase in our lives, though it may seem endless during the day, I know will be quite short in retrospect so I am really trying to cherish every bit of it, even the not-so-convenient bits for me because I know they make Hannah a happy little minion.
Can I just say again how, even though being so far away from my mother and sister is something that I try not to think about lest I get all depressed, I am blessed to be able to raise my daughter exactly how I want to raise her with no parental guidance. No unwarranted advice, no well-intended pushy-suggestions, no guilt trips over "improper" parenting techniques, and no domineering mother or mother-in-law take-overs. Sure I get one or two sometimes, but it is always in a social setting and for such brief moments that they are easy to endure and sometimes even welcome. Do I make mistakes? Of course I do, all of the time now it would seem. Case-in-point, I accompanied my BF to a family birthday last week and when it was time for dinner I sat Hannah in her own chair so she would be more comfortable and I sat on a plastic stool beside her. My BF´s mother mentioned how that might not be a good idea, but seeing as how I would be right next to her the whole time I saw no harm in giving her more wiggle room. Of course you know what happened next, I stood up for a brief moment to serve my BF´s grandmother some sauce and the 2-3 seconds that took was just long enough for Hannah to fall right out of that chair. Murphy´s Law at its best! All of the mother´s in the room *Gasped* in horror, as I immediately swept my baby in my arms to check her from all angels and soothe away her fright and pain. Thankfully she was all right but really shook up because it was, after all, her very first fall. After tending to my Hannah, wiping her tears, and eliciting a smile from her once again, I was flooded by a horrible feeling of shame over my carelessness and then was overridden by guilt.
Should I have listened to the advice? Of course! But you know what?... it was bound to happen sooner or later. Babies fall, it´s the reason there are so many warnings about leaving your child unattended on a changing table, in a bed, in a bathtub... anywhere really. They still don´t have dominion over their bodies and jerky movements so all it takes are two seconds or even just turning your back for one second for disaster to strike. But despite all of those warnings and all of the advice, babies continue to fall and that´s because it is absolutely impossible to keep a vigilant hawk-like eye over your children 24/7. I felt like a terrible mother for the remainder of the evening, but like I wrote in a post a while back: Pain, Fear and Heartbreak are Inevitable. The most we as mothers can do is learn from our mistakes and try our darnest to keep our kids out of harm´s way. Sometimes we will fail, and that´s okay too as long as you entrust your children to God, make sure to always tend to their wounds, show them constantly how much you love them, and avoid making the same mistake twice.
I am sorry mamita linda, your mommy is human and is bound to make mistakes, but know that she loves you with all of her heart and will always be there for you.
"The most consistent gift and burden of motherhood is advice." -Susan Chira
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